The Lies One Tells to Make it Through the Day
by Azure K Mello
Summary: Spike cast a spell on Angel now he loves the Zeppo. SLASH.
1. 1

Title: The Lies One Tells to Make it Through the Day  
  
Rating: R  
  
Author: Azure K Mello  
  
Disclaimer: Joss, not me. Also premises stolen from Jacob M. Bosch, story found here: who stole it from Saone. I asked for permission from Jacob. Thank you.  
  
Part: 1/?  
  
Summery: Spike cast a spell on Angel to distract him while he and Dru have some fun in Sunnyhell. The spell has made Angel fall head over heels for Xander. The problem is that to break the spell Xander must sleep with Angel. If the spell is not broken it will cause Angel to rape him.  
  
Pairing: Angel/Xander SLASH  
  
Spoilers/setting: High school  
  
Warning: mega angst. Buffy bashing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
How fucked up could his life become? The last three months had gone from bad to worse. Things had started to go wonky when stupid Deadboy's stupid childer came to town. To ensure that the slayerettes would stay off their back, Spike and Drusilla had cast a spell on their father. And it had worked, no one gave a damn about what they were doing. The spell had caused Angel to fall head over fangs in love with the boy. Buffy didn't see a foot in front of her face. She was busy giving the object of her boyfriend's affection dirty looks and moping. Mean while Giles and Willow spent every waking hour trying to find a cure for Angel. Why in God's name had Spike singled Xander out? The Zeppo, loser boy was never looked at twice. Perhaps Spike thought it would be fun to make his sire fall in love with an idiot.  
  
And yes, while all that was bad, it got worse. The night before Angel had come to the Harris' front lawn in the wee hours of the morning to serenade Xander with Barry Manilow songs. First of all Angel couldn't sing, the cats of the region had sang back up for him. Secondly the neighbors woke up and watched Angel, clapping and catcalling at the end, Angel actually thought they *had* enjoyed his musical talents. And finally, but certainly not least important of all the repercussions, Xander's dad had beaten the living shit out of him for finally confirming what the man had always feared: that his son was a "a little pathetic fag". The beating hadn't been that bad, not as bad as some in the past. Usually he got hit for things like causing his mother to have a heart attack, stealing, bringing infamy to the family. Xander wasn't responsible for any of these things and had taken the punishment in his stride. This was the first time a reprimand had burned, mainly because it was true. He had never expected his parents to throw him a coming out party but he had thought that they would eventually come to turns with it.  
  
So he'd tried to kill Angel. But honestly, what else could he do? Buffy had walked into Angel's apartment in the middle and pulled them apart. She laid a whole guilt trip on Xander, "You're killing the man I love, blah blah blah, this hurts me more than it hurts you." It was all bullshit of course, she had no idea how much this was all hurting him. And then she'd dragged them back to the library to patch up Angel. That was when Giles had dropped the bomb shell: sleep with Angel now and break the spell, or leave it until the spell drove the vampire mad and he finally raped the boy. The salt rubbed into the wound was that Buffy pretty much told him that he owed her and *had* to sleep with her bf, that she would hate him if he didn't. Well bully for Buffy.  
  
And now here he stood at Angel's doorstep about to seduce the man. He felt ill.  
  
TBC  
  
What do you think so far? This was kinda a sum up of the original plot. The only difference being that his was a light fluffy comedy where in Buffy didn't come off too badly. Anyway drop me a line and tell me if you like it. 


	2. 2

Title: The Lies One Tells to Make it Through the Day  
  
Rating: R  
  
Author: Azure K Mello  
  
Part: (2/?)  
  
Disclaimer: Joss, not me. Also premises stolen from Jacob M. Bosch, story found here: who stole it from Saone. I asked for permission from Jacob. Thank you.  
  
Part: 1/?  
  
Summery: Spike cast a spell on Angel to distract him while he and Dru have some fun in Sunnyhell. The spell has made Angel fall head over heels for Xander. The problem is that to break the spell Xander must sleep with Angel. If the spell is not broken it will cause Angel to rape him.  
  
Pairing: Angel/Xander SLASH  
  
Spoilers/setting: High school  
  
Warning: mega angst. Buffy bashing.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Screwing up the courage Xander knocked at Angel's door and it opened with said cherub standing in the shadow.  
  
"Xander," said the vampire his burned with happiness, "you're not here to kill me are you?" concern was etched on his face but there was also a spark of humor playing on his mouth.  
  
"No, I have no intentions of killing you."  
  
"Do you want to come in? Should I come out?"  
  
"It's daylight, Angel."  
  
"Oh, right. . . I guess I'm just a little confused seeing you here. It's good to see you here. . . why are you here?" he asked looking uncomfortable.  
  
"I'd like to come in, thank you," said Xander pretending that that had been the last posed question.  
  
"Good," said Angel giving a resolute nod. "Can I get you anything?" he asked as Xander stepped inside, "Coffee, orange juice, coke?"  
  
"A glass of orange juice would be nice, actually." Xander was slightly shocked to be having a civil conversation with Angel. He sat at the man's kitchen table and studied the vampire while he went to the mundane task of pouring the young man a glass of juice. Angel placed the glass down in front of the boy and just stood there. "Sit with me?" asked Xander softly. "I came to talk to you about this spell."  
  
"It isn't a spell! Would you stop saying that? It cheapens everything I feel for you!"  
  
"Just for a moment, be quiet. And then you can say *whatever* you want. Ok?" Angel nodded in response. "Giles found a cure for the spell. We would. . . well we would have to sleep together."  
  
"Oh. And you don't want to do that because you hate me?"  
  
"That's not even a part of the reason."  
  
"I'm a guy, I'm too old for you, you don't love me, everyone says I'm in love with. . . Muffy is it?"  
  
"Buffy," supplied Xander. "But that's not it. What really bothers me is that this is rape."  
  
Horror swept over Angel's face, "I would *never* do *anything* to hurt you. EVER."  
  
"That's not what I meant." Said Xander softly looking the man in the eye and then looking down again. "Just say that it's all true, ok? This is a spell and it will be broken come the morning. How are you going to feel then? You're in love with Buffy, and you've just been duped into sleeping with me. Do you honestly think that if you weren't under the spell you would love me?"  
  
For long minutes Angel sat thinking. "Just say it's all true," he said finally, "Why do you care? If you hate me you would still get rid of me when I don't want you anymore. Where's your problem?"  
  
"You will have been hurt. This is the mystical equivalent of slipping Roofies into your date's drink."  
  
"Alright, but why do you care? Everyone keeps telling me we loathe each other so what upsets you about bruising my spirit a little? Come on, Xander, prove everyone right. Say whatever the hell it is that you're not saying, *don't spare my feelings*. This is all about Buffy right? You had a crush on her and hate me for it, is that it?" the whole statement was seeped in sarcasm. His tone was harsh and cold, he felt hurt by this game that Xander was playing. One minute the boy was kind and the next cruel, he never knew where he stood and was sick of it. For his part Xander stood mute. The boy felt the back of his mouth go dry as he tried to hold back tears that so badly wanted to fall. As if reading his thoughts Angel said, "I can smell your tears, boy, cry if you want. It's no skin off my nose."  
  
Finally Xander looked up again, tears falling freely down his face. "Fine. I know that you know. You've probably known all along, Mr. Insightful dead guy. So you want to play it this way? Well fine. If you want me to say it out loud I will, because it's not as though it's news right?" Angel just stared at him looking confused. Xander was pretty sure the look was fake, he couldn't believe that Angel didn't know the score. "Ever since the moment I met you I wanted you. And then Buffy shows up and says, 'hey meet my boyfriend,' so what was I supposed to do? So I shut up and acted like a petulant child because it's a good enough cover. It's against the rules to steal your best friend's boyfriend. And anyway, how am I supposed to compete with the slayer for you? So I gave up and let you two be happy. And then your idiot son casts the most wonderful spell ever. You say all of these *great* things to me. It's a fucking dream come true, only it's not: it's just some perverse replica because none of it is real. And when you wake up in the morning you're not just going to not want me: you're going to hate me." He got up to leave and, as he never made eye contact, he didn't realize that Angel was crying to.  
  
Glancing out the window Angel said softly, "Xan, the sun set."  
  
"I have a stake and a aerosol bottle of holy water."  
  
"I could walk you," offered the vampire hopefully.  
  
"Angel," said Xander beseechingly, hoping the vampire would understand the immense shame and ignominy he was feeling and respect his need to be alone.  
  
Angel nodded silently and walked Xander to the door. Just before the boy left the vampire grabbed him and turned him around to kiss him full on the lips. He tangled his fingers in the boy's dark curls. "I love you," he said as they broke apart.  
  
"I love you too," said Xander through bitter tears.  
  
"Would you call me when you get home? Just to let me know you got there safely."  
  
"I'm staying at Willow's I'll call you from there."  
  
"Willows? Why?"  
  
"My dad kicked me out of the house."  
  
"Why?" Angel asked again. When the boy wouldn't meet his eye he continued, "Oh fuck, Xander, I'm sorry."  
  
"Had to happen sooner or later. I'll call you." He said and with that he was gone.  
  
Bumbling down the street Xander prayed that he wouldn't meet a vampire. He was in no fit state to slay anything but a pillow. As if reading his mind Spike suddenly was walking at his side matching his pace and stride. "And how is Big, murky, and gloomy?" he said with his typical smirk.  
  
"Tell me why I shouldn't kill you?" said Xander. He wondered if he sounded as tired as he felt.  
  
"Well for one thing, ye sure did look like you were enjoying his presence." A sudden boost of power flooded through Xander as he threw Spike up against a wall. "I must admit," continued the vampire, his concentration intact, "I thought it was gonna be the sweet slayer. But I guess things aren't always as they seem to be."  
  
"What the fuck are you talking about, Deadboy?" asked Xander hotly.  
  
"What, you mean watcher-man with all his books couldn't figure it out?" Said Spike with another sneer. His smile vanished as Xander held a stake to his chest. "The spell didn't change the direction of Angel's heart. All it did was make him more open about his, "true love," I thought he was going to be throwing himself at that little blonde bint. But I guess my sire never was into the fairer sex that much."  
  
"Are you kidding?" asked Xander with a cold laugh.  
  
"On my honor as a Master Vampire, I swear to you, it's all the truth. Would you now kindly let me go? Only, I think I'm getting a splinter."  
  
Xander let the young the young vampire slide down the wall. Turning his back he walked away, heading towards Willow's, without saying a word. Thoughts slid around his head like oil. He barely registered his arrival at the house. In fact he couldn't exactly figure out where he was as he sank down on his cot in Will's bedroom. It was only when the witch walked in that he realized that he had arrived.  
  
"Why is life so hard?" he asked looking up at her when she jolted him from his reverie.  
  
"Did you," she started but then decided that from the look of pain on Xander's face he *had* tried to cure Angel, "It didn't work?"  
  
"I don't know, we didn't do *that* yet." He could feel himself blushing. "All of this is so fucked up."  
  
Willow looked slightly shocked at his French but she nodded. "We all know you're trying your best."  
  
"Buffy doesn't," he said bitterly. 


	3. 3

Title: The Lies One Tells to Make it Through the Day  
  
Rating: R  
  
Author: Azure K Mello  
  
Part: (3/?)  
  
Disclaimer: Joss, not me. Also premises stolen from Jacob M. Bosch, story found here: who stole it from Saone. I asked for permission from Jacob. Thank you.  
  
Summery: Spike cast a spell on Angel to distract him while he and Dru have some fun in Sunnyhell. The spell has made Angel fall head over heels for Xander. The problem is that to break the spell Xander must sleep with Angel. If the spell is not broken it will cause Angel to rape him.  
  
Pairing: Angel/Xander SLASH  
  
Spoilers/setting: High school  
  
Warning: mega angst. Buffy bashing.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Buffy is just having a really hard time," said Willow softly, "can you imagine how it must feel to have the man you love not even see you're alive?" Xander knew exactly what it felt like but said nothing. "So what happened?"  
  
"I drank some Mr. J. Premium and told him all about the spell. Then we had a fight, and then he kissed me, and then I left and was accosted by Spike."  
  
"Wait! Go back! Angel had orange juice at his house?"  
  
"I think you missed the important part."  
  
"Which bit?"  
  
"All the rest."  
  
"Right, so what did Angel say? I mean how much did you tell him?"  
  
"He said it wasn't a spell, and he got all upset. And then he hurt because he thought that if it would "cure" the spell and I *still* wouldn't be with him then there was something wrong about him."  
  
"And what did you tell him?"  
  
"I said that there was nothing wrong with him but that it was rape." Upon seeing Willow's confused expression Xander said, "Do you honestly think that in his right mind Angel would ever fuck me?" He laughed dryly.  
  
"Xander, I know this must be so hard for you. You're being really strong. And what happened with Spike?"  
  
"He just made small talk, ya know: that the spell was just a truth serum, and that Angel had always loved me, nothing big." He said sarcastically.  
  
"Well then it wouldn't be rape!" said Willow trying, as always, to see the bright side.  
  
"No, it's just sleeping with Buffy's honey. And anyway, Spike's probably lying. He's not a reliable source. I'm sure he's just fucking with my mind."  
  
Worrying her lower lip, Willow nodded. She knew that Xander only ever swore when really upset and he'd been swearing a lot over the past few days. "That's true, Spike is of the evil."  
  
They sat in silence for a few minutes before Xander said, "Thank you for letting me stay here, Will, it means a lot."  
  
"Of course, but why couldn't you live at home?" He just shrugged. "So what else happened with Angel, you seem like a badly kicked puppy."  
  
"Nothing, I guess I'm just tired," he said with a rueful shake of his head. Then he remembered his promise, "I have to phone Angel, just to tell him I got here ok." Willow cocked an eyebrow, since when did Xander care if Angel was worried, but said nothing as she retrieved the handset from her bedside table for him. After dialing he sighed and then said, "Hey. . . yeah I'm fine." He paused and laughed gently, "Well I told you I could get home all by myself. I actually did meet a vamp. . . No, he's not dust: he's Spike. . . I'm fine, honest. . . Well I'll come see you in the morning. . . It's Saturday, your conception of time is really warped!. . . You too. Ok, bye."  
  
"OMG! You just told him you love him!!" she screamed.  
  
"No I didn't," said a highly defensive Xander.  
  
"You said 'you too' which was clearly in response to him expressing his love. I can't believe you boldface lied to him!"  
  
"He's an old fashioned man, Willow. Saying, 'hey, Angel wanna make the beast with two backs?' isn't going to woo him. So yes, I lied. Everybody is so desperate for me to get Buffy's lapdog back to his full glory, so you're going to have to let me do it my way." He sighed heavily, "I'm gonna go patrol and try to clear my head. Killing somethin' might do me some good." He turned and left while Willow thought over his words and the position her best friend was in.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
As he walked through the cool night Xander tried desperately to organize his confused and throbbing mind. It was all a huge nebulous cloud of ideas and emotions. He hugged himself against the darkness as he marched on as a lone solider for the good fight. All of his mind was begging his better judgment to run to Angel. However one isolated, small voice was saying, "Please, please don't go back there. This isn't real and it's only going to hurt. Please don't do that to me. The rest of you are strong enough to carry on, but I entreat you to respect the fact that I am not so tough." While Xander wasn't a hundred percent sure what the word entreat *meant* he still obeyed the wishes of that soft voice and purposefully stayed on the other side of town, far away from Angel.  
  
Before him in the road, she stood sneering. "Shouldn't you be *not* here?" asked Buffy.  
  
"No, he needs some time to work things out in his mind and I needed some time to get myself together," replied Xander.  
  
"Since when do you respect what Angel needs?" she asked coldly.  
  
"I'm doing you a favor. I'm fixing your man. I'm trying my hardest. So why don't you lay off?"  
  
"Because I don't think you *are* trying your damnedest! I think you should have already gotten this fixed! I think that you're a coward. And I don't think you care enough about me to do this. I think you're really selfish!" After delivering her indictment she flounced off into the dark.  
  
A clapping came from behind him, "Wow," said a soft drawl he knew all too well, "what a bitch."  
  
"What do you want now, Spike?" asked Xander as he pivoted to watch the other man.  
  
"Just wanta chat 's all."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Spike groaned, "I live with Drusilla, I love her dearly but she's no great conversationalist. And when trying to figure things out she's not a good sounding board. . . unless you *want* to know what the tarot cards think of it all," he paused, "I've 'ad this idea. I was trying to figure out why he's been hiding his feeling for you. My sire, he's always gone directly for what he wanted. Then it all clicked. Vampires, we don't care who we lay with just as long as there is someone we give a damn about in our bed. It doesn't matter to us. With his soul Angel is out to pretend he's not one of us. And what better way to do that than to deny his real love and go for the relationship that your culture idolizes."  
  
"Oh," said Xander and he turned his back to Spike.  
  
"Don't you get it? He's loved you silently warring with himself and you've won against his self-preservation instincts."  
  
"I didn't win, you took away his choice."  
  
"Xander-"  
  
"Why are you doing this, Spike?" asked the boy impatiently.  
  
"I'm bored," Spike replied as if it were common sense.  
  
"Well bully for you."  
  
"I'm your ally in this! Not that bitch, not the watcher, not anyone! I am, I'm the only one who has any real idea what's going on and you could thank me!"  
  
"Thank you? For fucking with his mind? For hurting everyone around me?"  
  
"I'm evil, boy, but some good might come of all this, and you should damn well be grateful for what I've done."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
On a sudden whim Xander paused in his journey back to Willow's and instead went into Willy's. He smiled as the barman let out a slight yelp when he caught sight of the boy entering his fine establishment. "I'm not here on a social call," he laughed as he passed the bar and went over to the pay phone. The phone rang three times and on the third she picked up, "Willow, hi it's me. I'm gonna go and see Angel. I might not come home tonight, I just wanted to warn you."  
  
"Ok," was the stunned reply.  
  
His call to Angel was slightly more complicated. The vampire wanted to know what had possessed Xander to be in The Alibi Room in the middle of the night. "I just want to see you," was all Xander could say.  
  
And sighing Angel replied, "Well I can't really find fault with that can I?" As Angel only lived a block away it was reasoned that he could get there without being eaten. When Xander arrived the vampire was sitting on the porch of his apartment. Smiling he said, "I'm so glad you're here." Xander nodded silently and followed the taller man into the house. "So why are you here? Not that I'm not thrilled, I just thought that you needed space."  
  
"I did," replied Xander, "Spike's been stalking me all night." He saw the shock on Angel's face and added, "In an annoying rather than frightening way. And he says that the spell is just making you be honest and that you never loved Buffy."  
  
"Thank you!" said Angel as though Spike had proven his point. He saw the look on Xander's face and instantly realized its origin, "Of course this is Spike,"  
  
"so it could be a lie," continued Xander.  
  
"he does that," Angel said finishing the thought. "It isn't that he lies, so much, he just confuses truth with the storied he makes up for himself and Dru." He said justifying his childe's actions as any parent does.  
  
"Angel?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Could we worry about the consequences later?" he asked softly. As he finished his words Angel lent down and captured the boy's mouth. 


	4. 4

Title: The Lies One Tells to Make it Through the Day  
  
Rating: R  
  
Author: Azure K Mello  
  
Part: (4/?)  
  
Disclaimer: Joss, not me. Also premises stolen from Jacob M. Bosch, story found here: who stole it from Saone. I asked for permission from Jacob. Thank you.  
  
Summery: Spike cast a spell on Angel to distract him while he and Dru have some fun in Sunnyhell. The spell has made Angel fall head over heels for Xander. The problem is that to break the spell Xander must sleep with Angel. If the spell is not broken it will cause Angel to rape him.  
  
Pairing: Angel/Xander SLASH  
  
Spoilers/setting: High school/ midseason Two because Angel and Buffy have never made the beast up to this point.  
  
Warning: mega angst. Buffy bashing.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Angel moaned into the boy's mouth. He hadn't been with anyone since he had regained his soul. Darla would have had him even though he was sullied but she had tested him in the Boxer Rebellion: eat this baby or get the hell out of my bed. He had left, unable to kill the infant. That had been the day Spike had killed his first slayer, the pride he felt had made him feel ill. Was evil to rejoice to his childe's success? Spike, his feelings for the boy were so conflicted. If what Xander said was true than Angel had his childe to thank for getting him his lover. "I want you so badly," he panted as he ran his fingers over Xander's stomach beneath his shirt, "I need you, Xan."  
  
"I love you," whispered Xander as he arched into the vampire's hands as the taller man lead him towards his bedroom, "I love you so much."  
  
"I love you," murmured Angel, "I want you inside of me." The boy stilled in his arms and Angel could see the change in his eyes. "You're worrying, I thought we decided you wouldn't worry."  
  
"I'm just scared. Is that allowed? I'm scared. There's a large difference between putting it out of mind and doing something truly stupid. Please, Angel, understand why I'm wigged."  
  
"Shhhh," hushed Angel, "it's ok, of course you're allowed to be frightened, I'm scared too. I don't want to hurt you in the morning."  
  
"I don't give a good *damn* about being hurt, only about you," he said close to tears.  
  
"It's gonna be alright," Angel assured the boy as he placed him on the bed, "Do you want this?" Xander nodded as a tear fell down his face.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Where are you going?" asked Angel as Xander tried to leave the tiny bed.  
  
Looking down at the floor Xander said, "You will probably wanna wake up alone tomorrow. So I'm gonna go back to Will's." Angel grabbed his hips and turned the boy over to face him.  
  
The pain in those eyes made Angel want to kill everyone who ever told this boy that he wasn't good enough. "I haven't shared my bed in over a hundred years. So just for tonight will you stay? Would you be mine?"  
  
"Only and always." Replied Xander though the tears still streamed down his face. Angel pulled him close and rocked him gently as he traced patterns over the slight body in his arms. "What is the morning going to bring?"  
  
"If you like," said Angel softly, "if this is all a spell like you keep saying, if Spike is lying, we can say that you were affected by it too. That none of this was real."  
  
"The only person who matters is you. So it's not gonna work is it?" asked Xander sounding dejected.  
  
"I love you."  
  
"Why?" asked Xander expecting the man not to answer: having no reason to love him but for the spell. "Why do you.?"  
  
"Why?" asked Angel sounding confused. Xander knew he had stumped the man but then Angel spoke again sounding angry, "Do you really think so little of yourself? You're so brave, and strong, and resourceful, you're honest and loyal and you take care of your friends even though none of them treat you right," he saw the look on Xander's face and laughed dryly. "Do you think I'm blind to the way they treat you? And yes, you can be a total self-righteous prig, but do it out of the goodness of your heart. You're a good man, Xander, and you make me laugh." Xander gave him another disbelieving look, "Well not out loud, but I do laugh. It's just a silent mirth, I can't chuckle it ruins my reputation for being dark and brooding."  
  
"Wow," said Xander sounding stunned and happy and then he sounded broken as he said, "Spike's spell is really quite amazing it even gave a reason for the illusion."  
  
"Xander, shut up before I make you shut up. Don't kick yourself anymore. And stop talking about this stupid spell, it makes me feel ill, I don't want to think that everything we have is fake."  
  
"It's not all fake, only half," said Xander bitterly as he cuddled into Angel's side. "I love you." He said the words one last time, not knowing if he would be able to say them ever again. "I love you so much, Angel," he repeated before drifting into a fitful sleep.  
  
Angel lay awake for a while watching the boy in his arms. He feared what dawn would bring. 


	5. 5

Title: The Lies One Tells to Make it Through the Day  
  
Rating: R  
  
Author: Azure K Mello  
  
Part: (5/?)  
  
Disclaimer: Joss, not me. Also premises stolen from Jacob M. Bosch, story found here: who stole it from Saone. I asked for permission from Jacob. Thank you.  
  
Summery: Spike cast a spell on Angel to distract him while he and Dru have some fun in Sunnyhell. The spell has made Angel fall head over heels for Xander. The problem is that to break the spell Xander must sleep with Angel. If the spell is not broken it will cause Angel to rape him.  
  
Pairing: Angel/Xander SLASH  
  
Spoilers/setting: High school/ midseason Two because Angel and Buffy have never made the beast up to this point.  
  
Warning: mega angst. Buffy bashing.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Are you ok?" were the first words as he woke up laying atop Angel.  
  
"I'm fine." Said Angel softly his eyes were dark and Xander didn't like the angry vibes coming off the vampire.  
  
"I should go."  
  
"You're not going anywhere." Was the cold reply.  
  
Xander sighed heavily. "Ok three free shots, I won't even reply."  
  
"Xan-"  
  
"Here, I'll start them for you," said the boy sounding angry but feeling only hurt, "Xander Harris is a loser because:"  
  
Appalled Angel said softly, "I wouldn't do that to you. I wouldn't belittle you because you love me."  
  
"Christ, don't pity me." Said Xander trying to worm his way out of Angel's clasp. As he realized he was naked he blushed deeply.  
  
"Xander," he said in a pacifying tone but the boy cut him off.  
  
"Fuck off, Deadboy."  
  
"Last night you promised to be mine forever."  
  
"For Christ's sakes of all the things that were said last night that's what you focus on? I lied. You think I meant any of it? None of this meant anything to me. I said it all to get you into bed. I needed to break the spell."  
  
"Which explains why you cried in my arms." Angel's eyes were even darker with emotion.  
  
Xander wanted to cry and run and kick Angel's ass. Instead he did what came naturally and opened his big mouth with a dry, antagonistic comment. "I was ashamed."  
  
"Don't lie, Xander, it doesn't become you," said the vampire in a monotone voice.  
  
"What do you want from me, Angel? Didn't you say it was the spell? That everything I felt was a side effect?"  
  
"I love you, Xander."  
  
"What? . . . oh fuck you!" he screamed. "Go die. . . again!" He scrabbled to get up but Angel held him close.  
  
"Spike wasn't lying. . . for once. It's really pathetic that it took a spell to make the truth come into the light. But now. . . I can't pretend anymore. I won't."  
  
"But then why?" He let his words trial off not wanting to know the answer.  
  
"Did I not say? I thought you hated me. And anyway, my duty was to help Buffy. What better was to infiltrate a teenage girl's life than to be her boyfriend? I like her, she's a nice girl. . . sometimes. I never loved her, but I tried. Do you really think we wouldn't have slept together in two years if everything were as it should be?"  
  
"Well I figured that she wasn't ready. . . or something." Angel just smiled at the boy. "I guess I never though of that."  
  
"It wouldn't have been fair to her, I only ever loved you. I figured it wouldn't matter: she's a slayer by right she should have been dead by now. And even if she lived for ten years (eternity for a slayer), I'm immortal. What is ten years to me at 243 some years of age? So I worked my way into her life. . . And then I met you and I knew I was fucked."  
  
"Or rather that you weren't," said Xander with a smirk. Angel shook his head ruefully and pulled the boy close for a chaste kiss. "Are you sure the spell is broken?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"And you're not just fucking with my mind?"  
  
"I love you."  
  
"That. . . is so cool!" Angel just laughed and ran his hands over the boy. As if pulling back into himself Xander said nothing when Angel's fingers wavered over scars, cut, bruises, and burns.  
  
The change in heat under his hands alerted the vampire to the boy's embracement. "You are so stunning," he said falling into large russet eyes, "I want to keep you here forever."  
  
Xander smiled and then said sadly, "I'm supposed to be meeting Buffy and Wills for breakfast at the Espresso Pump."  
  
Whining Angel said, "But you're mine."  
  
"Yeah," said Xander softly, "what are you gonna do about Buff? Do you want me to talk to her?"  
  
"No, you've had to deal with her enough. . . I really called her Muffy didn't I?" He couldn't help but smirk. He bit gently at Xander's collarbone. The boy arched into his touch. "When did you say you had to meet them?"  
  
"In three minutes." Xander sighed heavily as he stood, ". . . I need pants."  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Sliding into the booth he ordered a cup of coffee. The girl didn't even say hello before jumping into her onslaught, "Did you fix him yet?"  
  
"The spell has been broken." He said softly.  
  
"Good, I'm gonna go see him." She said stepping out of the booth.  
  
"You're welcome." He said softly with bitter anger. It was sad that he had never realized how little Buffy cared for him. She hadn't given a damn about how any of this would affect him.  
  
"You want me to thank you?" she said coldly, "I can't believe you want me to thank you for fucking the love of my life!"  
  
"You're sixteen, Buffy, you have no idea where your life will go," he said sounding tired and older than his seventeen years. "You practically ordered me to sleep with him! I went out on a limb for you. No matter the outcome I think you should be saying, 'thank you, Xander, for trying to bring him back to me.' Because I tried, I tried for you and for him. I was so scared. And I thought I was going to get totally screwed over. As it turns out I didn't, but I didn't know that when I started."  
  
"What are you talking about?" she asked looking bemused and haughty.  
  
"Go talk to you, he wants to see you," he said looking down at the table. The slayer left in a flurry of suede. The coffee arrived and Xander drank deeply enjoying the bitter hot liquid.  
  
"He loves you, doesn't he?" asked Willow softly trying not to upset her friend.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"So what are you gonna do about it?"  
  
"Bask," he said with a dry laugh.  
  
"Wait. . . what?"  
  
"I love him so much."  
  
"Wait. . . what?"  
  
"I fucking adore him, I waited so long. . . and now he tells me he always loved me."  
  
"Wait. . . what? Are you gay?"  
  
The boy couldn't help but roar with laughter, tears feel down his face. "God, Willow, I'm so happy. But Buffy's gonna be pissed."  
  
"Fuck Buffy!"  
  
"Willow! Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"  
  
"Look, All I'm saying: She thinks that she's the chosen one." Xander raised an eyebrow, "Well, yeah ok, but she thinks everyone is here simply to be at her beckoned call. She thinks the world owes her a hott boyfriend because she stopped it from ending a few times. She doesn't own Angel. You deserve to be happy. . . just don't rub it in 'cause she'll be a real B. I. T. C. H."  
  
"A bitca? I know. . . she's been different ever since she died. I'm just worried how she'll take this. I don't *want* to hurt her. She is my friend, even if she is mean." 


	6. 6

Title: The Lies One Tells to Make it Through the Day  
  
Rating: R  
  
Author: Azure K Mello  
  
Part: (6/?)  
  
Disclaimer: Joss, not me. Also premises stolen from Jacob M. Bosch, story found here: who stole it from Saone. I asked for permission from Jacob. Thank you. Line "Well that's just. . . neat" is out of the episode with the Judge.  
  
Summery: Spike cast a spell on Angel to distract him while he and Dru have some fun in Sunnyhell. The spell has made Angel fall head over heels for Xander. The problem is that to break the spell Xander must sleep with Angel. If the spell is not broken it will cause Angel to rape him.  
  
Pairing: Angel/Xander SLASH  
  
Spoilers/setting: High school/ midseason Two because Angel and Buffy have never made the beast up to this point. Assume we're around, "What's My Line?" because Dru is still sick. Also "Lie to me" is mentioned in passing because Angel recently saw Dru.  
  
Warning: mega angst. Buffy bashing.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"What are you doing on my bed?" asked Angel his wayward childe.  
  
"You're not him."  
  
"I'm me? Who should I be?" he asked smiling indulgently. He couldn't decide whether to take Spike over his knee for fucking with magic or to kiss him for bringing Xander to his bed.  
  
"You didn't lose your soul."  
  
"And why would I have? Why did you play with spells? It wasn't even that powerful. Didn't I teach you that magic was dangerous? You should only use magic when it's really important, like when you're trying to end the world." He was in a really good mood and would let Spike play for a little while before kicking him out.  
  
"A gypsy woman told me that you would lose it if you came."  
  
Angel tried not to smirk but it was too much. "Let me just make sure I understand what you're saying. An old gypsy woman told you I had to get off and the curse would be broken?"  
  
"A 'moment of perfect happiness'. So I went out and found you your ideal mate. . . Is the boy really *that* bad in bed?"  
  
"I will thank you to fuck off, Spike. And why would you want me to lose my soul? I nearly killed you everyday for eighteen years." Spike said nothing he simply looked down at the floor. "Well, come along, William, speak up."  
  
"Stop being an arse, Angel."  
  
"Being an arse?! You tried to make me evil!"  
  
"I wanted my sire back!" Spike screamed the rejoinder. "Don't make me out to be the bad guy. . . I mean I am, grr: evil," he made his hand into a claw as he faked the growl to accentuate his point. "But I wasn't trying to harm you."  
  
"Oh, because you would *never* hurt me." Angel was biting and caustic.  
  
"Yes, you tried to kill me everyday for a few years. . . but at least you gave enough of a damn to try. Now you barely look at me, ye wanker"  
  
"Oh, Will." Angel was suddenly very tired.  
  
"And yeah, ok: you tried to kill me; you only did it to show me my place. Well I learnt my place: at your side. And then you took me to bed and made sure I was well enough to go through it all again in the morning. If it had really been that awful do you honestly think I would have stayed? You were my sire: I would have followed you to hell and back."  
  
"I'm still your sire, William, you're still my childe. I still love you."  
  
"You do?"  
  
"You're always my favorite."  
  
"But I'm evil," Spike whispered, clawing his hand again.  
  
Angel laughed fondly, "We all have faults." He shrugged, "Having a soul doesn't make me *not* evil. I'm not Liam, and even as Liam I was an arse. All having my soul does is make me feel *really* badly about it. It just puts everything in perspective: to not feel guilt I don't kill, to keep Xander I pretend I don't want to."  
  
"Well that's just. . . neat."  
  
"Look, please don't eat any of Xander's friends, *including* the slayer. In fact, don't eat any Sunnydale's population."  
  
"You're no fun."  
  
"'Hey, guess what, Angel. Your idiot son ate someone I was on the swim team with.' 'Really, Xander? That's so interesting. Let's go to a movie.'"  
  
"Fine I get it," groaned Spike.  
  
"How are Dru's headaches?"  
  
"She's sick, Gelus." Whispered Spike sounding every bit the scared childe that he was, "She said she saw you in a playground. And that you protected the boy she wanted to eat."  
  
"I could feel that Buffy was around. I didn't want Dru to get staked. You take really good care of her, Will. I've never thanked you properly for that." He sighed heavily, "I'll come see her, maybe some sire's blood would heal her."  
  
"Thank you, it means a lot to have you back. . . does the slayer et al know about us? That we're family?"  
  
"Xander does, I'm sure. After all every time you talk to me you call me sire: even when you hate me. But Xander is really the only one who's seen us together. . . Buffy thinks that Dru and I are having an affair."  
  
"Poor, clueless slayer." Spike laughed as one would at an endearing yet simple puppy. "He smells like your type."  
  
"I have a type? I have a type that smells?"  
  
"He looks like he could be Drusilla's brother."  
  
Smiling ruefully Angel said, "I know, I miss the old days: everything was so simple."  
  
"Always went for the brunettes." Spike said softly.  
  
"Went for you," replied Angel tenderly stroking his youngest childe's face.  
  
"That you did. . . the blonde: the slayer."  
  
"I'll let her down gently." Angel said somewhat confused that Spike would even bring her up.  
  
"She was an unholy bitch to you boy."  
  
"Really?" the older vampire's eyes darkened.  
  
"I thought he was going to cry. Felt kinda badly, after all he is nearly family. Complete prat."  
  
"Language, William! You use the foulest words. Just because the Americans have no idea what you're saying doesn't mean you should say them."  
  
"I'm evil, you Ponce."  
  
"DID YOU JUST CALL ME A PONCE?"  
  
"Sorry, sire."  
  
"Respect, boy: I thought I beat it into you a long time ago." He gently cuffed Spike around the head. "You aren't too old to take across my knee."  
  
"'M sorry, *Sire*." Said Spike looking down at the floor again.  
  
Angel sighed heavily, "hhhuhhhhhh. Do you need blood money. . . money for blood?"  
  
"Well usually I would just eat someone to get money."  
  
"Go get my wallet, it's in the kitchen." Angel went about picking the room up. How was it that Spike could be alone in a room for ten minutes and make it look like London in the blitz? Spike came back in moments holding out his sire's wallet. Angel pulled out a wad of cash, handed it to Spike, and kissed his forehead. "Be good, I'll come visit Dru when it gets dark."  
  
"Thank you, Sire. . ." he smiled as Angel turned to clean again. "Oh and, Angel?" His sire looked up from his task, "he's a nice boy." Angel smiled. "Sire?"  
  
"Yes, Will?"  
  
"Why *didn't* you lose your soul?"  
  
"The spell scared him. And in it scared me: I was afraid he was right and that come morning I *would* hate him. I guess I was just to worried for it to be perfect. . . do you think?"  
  
"No, you won't lose it next time. A big component of it working was the desperation of your celibacy being broken after a hundred years."  
  
"Well that's a comfort," Angel said with a gentle laugh: only Spike would have sat down and thought all this out. No one would think that his poor ADHA riddled childe could be so patient and meticulous in his planning. His multifaceted nature was what so often made him so appealing. . . that and his childlike glee for destruction and chaos.  
  
"Sire?" Will asked again swinging about-face where he stood at the door.  
  
"Hum?" Angel said distractedly as he cleaned and wondered what Spike had spilled on his sheets.  
  
"I'm glad it didn't work."  
  
************************************************************************  
  
"Angel?" called Buffy walking into his apartment. She was desperate to see her boyfriend now that he was over his ridiculous obsession with Xander.  
  
"Buffy!" he said with a warm smile as he stepped out of the bathroom in a towel drying his hair. Well good, Buffy was pleased, he was cleaning Xander off of his body. "It's good to see you."  
  
"It's amazing to see you." She smiled widely, "How are you?"  
  
"I'm fine. It's so great you're not mad at me." He smiled apologetically: I am a kicked puppy please love and protect me.  
  
"Mad at you?"  
  
"For all the things I said to Xander, for loving Xander, in front of you."  
  
"Loving doughnut-boy? It's ok, I'm mad. I understand." she asked coldly.  
  
"It's great, I'm so glad! It must have been really hard for you. I'm ok now, but I need some time. . . Spike's spell violated me and I need some time to recoup. Ya know?"  
  
"Yeah," she said with a nod having little idea what was going on.  
  
"So I was thinking maybe we could go to Europe."  
  
"That would be great." She said with a wide smile, it was so great to have her doting honey back.  
  
"Yeah, Xander's never traveled much."  
  
"Xander? What about doughnut-boy?"  
  
"Why do you keep calling him that?" asked Angel looking genuinely confused while trying to bring Buffy away from her actual question. He didn't want his game to end too quickly.  
  
"It's a term of endearment, I'm slay-girl, Willow's net-girl, and Xander's doughnut boy. Because it's what he's best at: getting doughnuts."  
  
"Oh I *assure* you that's not what he's best at." Angel leered suggestively.  
  
"What?" asked Buffy looking truly confused. Just as understanding gleamed in her eyes she squelched it down with denial. "So what is this about Europe?"  
  
"I thought we could do a general tour. I wanna go home, show my love where I grew up."  
  
Buffy blushed deeply upon hearing the term of endearment, "That is so *so* romantic."  
  
"Yeah, well, Nothing but the best for the most beautiful creature in the world." His words made Buffy's blush deepen. "And look," he said pulling out a ring box and handing it to her. Inside the green box was a Claddagh ring a bloodstone was set into the center of the heart, "It's from home- the crown means loyalty, the hands friendship, and the heart. . . well you get the idea," he said forcing himself to sound bashful.  
  
"Angel, it's beautiful, only: it's way to big."  
  
"No it'll fit him perfectly. And the stone matches his eyes perfectly, don't you think?"  
  
"*Him*? This is for Xander?! He told me he broke the spell, incompetent loser!"  
  
"That's why I apologized. . . I thought you knew."  
  
"Knew what?" she screamed sounding like a petulant kid, which was exactly what she was.  
  
"Spike's spell: it was just an honesty charm. I always loved Xander. He's the only one I ever loved. You thought? Oh, Buffy, I'm so sorry, hon. I thought you knew." He said sounding like an adult talking to a bad tempered infant. . . which, again, he was.  
  
"What?" she asked on the verge of tears.  
  
"Oh and yes: I spoke to Spike. From what he said I would appreciate it ever so much if you stayed away from my lover." His words were cold and he loomed over her in a frightening and threatening way. She bolted from the room and Angel went to get dressed feeling good about himself. 


	7. 7

Title: The Lies One Tells to Make it Through the Day  
  
Rating: R  
  
Author: Azure K Mello  
  
Part: (7/?)  
  
Disclaimer: Joss, not me. Also premises stolen from Jacob M. Bosch, story found here: who stole it from Saone. I asked for permission from Jacob.  
  
Summery: What will Buffy do now? How will Xander react to everything?  
  
Pairing: Angel/Xander SLASH  
  
Spoilers/setting: High school/ midseason Two because Angel and Buffy have never made the beast up to this point. Assume we're around, "What's My Line?" because Dru is still sick. Also assume that Angel didn't explain too clearly in "Lie to Me" about who Dru was.  
  
Warning: mega angst. Buffy bashing, don't read it and don't flame. I've warned you, only idiots don't read the liner notes and then bitch.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"So, Xander, why did you come to talk to me?"  
  
The boy fidgeted slightly and the man wrote something down. "My aunt said she would pay if I ever wanted to come to you, it was sort of a Christmas present." The man gave him an odd look, "Well," continued Xander, "I kinda grew up in weird circumstances and she figured that one day I might want to discuss it."  
  
"So that's why you're here? To talk about childhood? What do you want from our time together?"  
  
"I got over childhood trauma, that's all of the good now. What I really wanted was just someone to talk to about stuff that isn't part of everything going on."  
  
"Which is exactly what I'll be for you," the doctor smiled kindly.  
  
"A lot of stuff. . . well I don't know if you'll believe it. I guess some of it is rather unbelievable." Said the nervous youth with a shrug.  
  
Dr. Redkin looked at him for a moment before saying slowly, "In this day and age it often feels like we live on the mouth of hell. Anything you tell me will be kept confidential." The metaphor was carefully sculpted.  
  
"You know about the Hellmouth? This makes things so much easer!" Xander was so relieved. "How did you find out about it?"  
  
"My son was turned."  
  
"I'm so sorry."  
  
"Thankfully once my eyes were opened I didn't have to kill him myself. There are good people out there who do know."  
  
"You mean the slayer?"  
  
"Well yes, Buffy Summers is one person but she didn't kill him. This might sound hard to believe but actually a vampire with a soul took care of it." He saw Xander pale slightly. "What the matter?"  
  
"Angel," he said softly.  
  
"Yes, you know him? I believe he's Buffy's boyfriend. Are you good friends with Buffy?"  
  
"We used to be uber-close but then," he laughed, "but then I stole her boyfriend!" Xander couldn't help but see the humor in the situation. "This is ridiculous!" He quickly spilled out the past few months: the spell, being kicked out of the house, the aftermath, the anger. The gory details were left out, but a vivid picture was painted for the older man.  
  
"I never wanted this to happen. I never meant for Buffy to get hurt. But now it's all so muddled up, and all of this resentment and contempt, that she's apparently been building up, has been outed. No pun intended. This is all so hard."  
  
"So what exactly did Buffy say? When did this happen?"  
  
"She went and talked to him this morning and came to yell at me at about eleven-ish. And she used some really foul language, words I had to look up. And basically she just ripped me a new orifice. And I don't know what to do! Angel wants to go away for a while. He said he would make all the arrangements and we could go and just wait for things to simmer down a bit. But I don't know, that just seems so cowardly. . . I feel like, maybe it's silly. . . " his words trailed off he didn't want to say it out loud and sound like a whining woman.  
  
"A kept man?" guessed the doctor correctly.  
  
"Is that stupid? I mean the way he talks. Right now I'm staying at Willow's and he's already making all these plans, and they sound really nice. Vampires they take mates, and I'm seventeen."  
  
"You don't want that? You're too young?"  
  
"No, see maybe that's why I'm nutty, I want it so badly. But it scares me so much and I don't want to lose him. But being a mate means becoming immortal, I would never age, or die, or lead a normal life. No kids, no wife, no house in suburbia . . . And yet I want that so badly, but scares me because what if it all falls apart?" Xander worried his lower lip as he often did. "This is mad and I'm prattling. Buffy always called it Xander babble, I thought it was because she thought it was sweet, maybe it just pissed her off."  
  
"Here's what I think, not as your doctor but as a friend with some knowledge. Take things slow with Angel. He'll understand. You need to break the manly code and talk to him about how you feel, that might be hard for you: you've "hung out" with women and tried for so long to be the manly man. Give it up, Angel won't think less of you. He already knows you have emotions so don't try to hide them. You had a very. . . tumultuous start, make it all easier on yourself. Go away if you want to, take some time off of the Hellmouth. Sort your head out, enjoy some time away, just remember you will need to deal with this. This won't cure it, it'll just help you figure out where you want to go. As for feeling like a kept man. . . Angel has all of his money from the investments he made with the money and property of people he killed. Why not use it for something as apposed to just letting it sit there? Spending money is good for the global economy."  
  
"That's a good point. Could I come and talk to you again?"  
  
"Absolutely, I'd love to hear about your trip. Call my secretary when you get back."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Where were you?" asked Angel as Xander walked in. "Did Buffy find you?"  
  
"Yeah, but don't worry, I think it'll be the last time." Xander threw his backpack into a corner. Walking over to Angel he asked, "Are you ok? You seemed freaked? Was she mean?"  
  
Angel just shook his head and smiled at his rambling boy, it took a lot more than Huffy-Buffy to hurt the feelings of a 250 year old demon. He pulled the boy close and had his chin resting on the top of Xan's head. "Remember Drusilla?"  
  
"The sometime paramour of William the Bloody?" asked Xander in a rather good impression of Giles. He pulled back slightly so he could look at Angel as they spoke. "Buffy thought that maybe you and she had somethin goin' on. She said you weren't really big on alleviating her fears." Angel went quiet and looked shame faced. "So what *is* the matter?"  
  
"Dru is my childe. I turned her." He said looking away.  
  
"Oh," said Xander softly.  
  
"But first I drove her mad. She was a seer, pure and innocent and so very Christian. She confessed every time she had a vision and I would always kill the priest and go in to the confessional in his place and told her that she was evil. I killed everyone she loved and did everything possible to make her insane. And then the day she was to become a nun I turned her."  
  
"Oh, and Spike? He's umm Dru's childe?" said Xander quietly not knowing what to say.  
  
"No, I turned Spike as well. I had three childer. I don't know where Penn is, I took off after I got my soul. I left Dru and Spike with my sire Darla in Romania and was meant to meet Penn in Italy."  
  
"Sire? So that's what it means." Xander felt Angel go to pull away from him. "So what's the sitch? Why are you so upset?"  
  
"Drusilla's very ill and I told Spike I would go help her."  
  
"And?" Xander didn't understand why Angel was acting so peculiarly. It suddenly dawned on him, "Oh for Christ sakes, 'Ohmigod, my vampire lover *didn't* spend the last 250 years alone! The nerve!' Do you honestly think so little of me?"  
  
"I just thought that you loathed vampires."  
  
"I already told you: most of it was cover because I couldn't have you. Some of it was resentment because Jesse was turned. Very little of it was actual loathing."  
  
"But I mean, you aren't angry that I'm going to help Dru?" he asked in a small voice.  
  
"I think," said Xander slowly, "I would be more upset if you just turned your back on them. You're responsible for them for better or worse. They're family and I can understand why you would do this. The mothers of murderers still love them."  
  
"But their mothers didn't teach them to kill." Angel was into full on brood-mood.  
  
"But they feed their kids." He sighed heavily thinking back to what Spike said and then Angel brought him out of his reverie.  
  
"I'm not a good man, Xander."  
  
It hit home with everything Spike said, "I don't want to offend you. And I don't want you to take this the wrong way," said Xander shucking Angel under the chin and forcing him to meet his eye, "But you aren't a man at all." He saw the flash of pain in Angel's eyes but kept talking. "You aren't human, and to hold yourself up to those ideals isn't fair. You are a vampire, people are your food source. Big fucking deal. I like hamburgers and you don't see me repenting for the cow, I like my leather shoes and the pants I've never worn." He saw Angel's eyes go dark with lust, "Focus, honey. I could be a vegetarian, or even a vegan but I'm not gonna. I mean I guess vegan is what you do: drinking bovine instead of human. And I guess it would be kinda vegetarian if you fed but didn't kill the person: like drinking milk but not slaughtering the cow. And yes, we patrol and kill vampires, but we're the food. Do you honestly think cows *wouldn't* fight back if they could? Of course they would, it's preservation instincts. But it's our self-preservation that leads us to eat them. Neither is more right or wrong. Vampires are just eating their hamburgers and I can't find a fault with that. And *and*," Xander was trying to make as many valid points as possible. "It takes twelve cows to make a pair of pants where as vampires only wear one human body. It's kind of like the Eskimos, you use your food to its fullest extent: for entertainment, clothing, and food. Hell we don't even use the skins of the animals we eat: beef cattle and cattle used for leather are two totally separate breeds."  
  
"Like the Eskimos?" echoed Angel. "But what about us? You and I? And don't you dare say I've seen past your yummy-ness," Said Angel reading the boy's mind, "I would rather *not* be compared with those guys who try to marry their goat saying that they really are in love."  
  
"I don't know," said Xander finally running out of steam for his onslaught of reasoning. "Does it really matter? The point is that I don't see anything wrong with you being close to your family. I don't see anything wrong with anything you've ever done. . . no matter what I've said in the past, it was just bullshit."  
  
"I love you, Xan." The boy just smiled in reply. "I love you so much."  
  
"So when are we going to see your kids?" He saw the look of surprise on Angel's face and misinterpreted it. "I'll wait here for you." He looked down at the linoleum in disgust. Why *would* Angel want him to go? He was such an idiot sometimes and always said stuff without thinking. The vampire might love him but he probably didn't want the demon community to know about them.  
  
"No you won't." Angel was so happy: he boy wanted to meet his family! It was one thing to say that he was ok with it, it was another to volunteer to witness it. 


	8. 8

Part: (8/?)  
  
Summery: How do the lonely ones react when they learn of their Sire's feeling towards his lover? Why do people marry goats?  
  
Pairing: Angel/Xander SLASH  
  
Spoilers/setting: High school/ midseason Two because Angel and Buffy have never made the beast up to this point. Assume we're around, "What's My Line?" because Dru is still sick.  
  
Warning: mega angst. Buffy bashing, don't read it and don't flame. I've warned you, only idiots don't read the liner notes and then bitch.  
  
~~ stands for flashback.  
  
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The stars were shining brightly and the pair was watching the sky as they walked in silence to the warehouse. The sky was rarely visible because of Sunnydale's proximity to LA. But at two AM most of the city had gone to sleep and the smog wasn't too bad that night. It was a sight to behold. Suddenly the calm was broken, "I figured it out."  
  
"Figured what out, Xan?" asked Angel not looking away from the sky. His mind was in other places. Earlier the boy had thought his company wasn't wanted, that was worrying Angel. He remembered the youth's reaction to Angel's explanation as to why he loved him ~~Spike's spell is really quite amazing it even gave a reason for the illusion~~. What did Xander think was going on between them now that the spell was broken and Angel still loved him?  
  
"The difference between you and the perv who married his sheep."  
  
"I thought it was a goat?" asked Angel distractedly, the way the boy's mind worked mystified the ancient vampire.  
  
"Whatever. Here's the difference: we are both sentient beings, with the same basic anatomy, who can hold an intelligent conversation. . . or as intelligent as anything that falls out of my mouth ever is. I mean you can't take a goat dancing."  
  
"You could," Angel replied and then his lover's words soaked through to his mind and he looked away from the sky, "Why do you do that? Why do you take yourself down a peg all the time? Is it just to preempt anyone else doing it? Or do ye really believe all the shite the slayer's pumped ye full of?" He slipped into his wide Irish brogue unconsciously, "Ye aren't their pizza boy."  
  
"Doughnut boy," corrected Xander quietly.  
  
"Whatever," replied the vampire throwing the Californian phrase back at the boy. "You are so much more than that." An odd look passed over Xander's face but Angel didn't question it, there would be time for that later at home. He didn't want to have a fight on the street. And then he added, "And anyway, same *basic* anatomy? What's different about it?" Xander said nothing but turned to the man.  
  
He ran a single finger over Angel's canine tooth. The vampire was extremely sensitive and instantly vamped out, Xander's finger lay on the fang where the tooth had been, "Basic." He said again and leaned into to kiss the vampire while wearing his true face. After an almost chaste kiss he said, "We should get a move on, Honey, they're waiting for us." It was the second time the boy had used the endearment and Angel smiled. It was an odd effeminate pet name. But somehow rolling off the seventeen year old's tongue it sounded so right.  
  
In the blink of an eye they were attacked. Xander pushed Angel out of the way and was hit hard on the chest by a grey fur creature. It knocked him to the ground and sat on his chest. The demon bit through Xander's shoulder as the brunette tried to fight it off. The pain was unlike anything he'd ever felt before it felt like someone was injecting a mix of cinnamon and wintergreen into him. He could feel his blood being pushed up to the surface. Angel regained his footing and slammed a stake into the creature's head, right between the eyes. Dark, hot, blue, iridescent blood poured out of its mouth and ears. He pulled the dead demon off the boy and watched as Xander lost consciousness. "Idiot," he muttered with affectionate anger. The boy had put Angel's well being over his own, but a runchcoun demon wouldn't have been able to kill the vampire. He listened as Xander's heart steadied out. Looking around he realized that they were much closer to Spike's than they were to the apartment. Carefully and slowly he picked the boy up. And sprinted the rest of the way to the warehouse being careful not to jog the cataleptic boy.  
  
When he finally got there he banged on Spike's door. He man opened the door smiling but instantly looked concerned. The blood was dripping onto Angel's shoes Spike studied it, "Runchcoun?"  
  
"Yeah," said Angel walking in and looking frantically about.  
  
"Bed's through there," said Spike pointing on way, "Dru's through there." He pointed in the opposite direction. He turned away to get a first aid kit.  
  
Angel placed him down on the bed he had bought for Drusilla over a century ago. Leaning over he tried to suck and squeeze the poison out of the gapping wound on his love's neck. Wordlessly Spike came back in and handed him bandages and a syringe filled with saline. Angel injected the liquid into Xander's shoulder hoping to flush the toxin out. "Why do you have this?" he asked as he worked quickly and started to dress the wound before it could become infected from the blood covering Xand's body.  
  
"Dru likes to pretend she's a doctor and amputates legs and things off her dolls," said Spike simply as he wiped some of the blood off the boy's face and torso with damp cloths. "He'll be ok."  
  
"He's cold," said Angel touching his forehead and then he touched Spike's face. "You're warm you just feed?"  
  
"Out of a blood bag." Spike defended himself and then added, "A blood bag that *didn't* have legs."  
  
"I couldn't careless about the source of the heat, right now, just that you're warm." He pulled the covers back and placed Xander under the sheets. "Strip off and get in with him. I haven't fed in hours."  
  
Spike nodded and started to strip before asking, "He's not a kicker is he? Ever since Dru's been ill she's been restless at night and my shins are covered in bruises."  
  
Smiling Angel assured his childe, "No, he's a nestler. Where did you say Dru was?"  
  
"Daddy?" came a voice from behind him, "You brought a toy, but it doesn't want to play."  
  
"No not a toy, my love," replied Spike's, "It's Daddy's pet human." He pulled Xander close to him, worrying about Dru wanting to "play" with him.  
  
"He's neither an it nor a pet," replied Angel becoming vexed and quickly remembering the downfalls of spending time with his childer.  
  
"A pet? May I stroke him?"  
  
"Dru," said Angel sternly, she made a low whining sound, "He's not a pet, he's. . . mine." He heard Spike scoffing but didn't address the blond.  
  
"Yours? A new baby?" She asked with a bright smile. Angel nodded gently, "May I rock him?"  
  
"Maybe once he's better, sweetheart." Angel reacted out to touch her hair. "Spike tells me you aren't very well?"  
  
"Mean people in Prague! But my Spikey saved me."  
  
"Spike takes good care of you doesn't he, princess?" asked Angel stalling as he got closer to her.  
  
She was about to reply when her face went cold. "You aren't Daddy!" she shrieked taking a few quick steps back from his mass. "You're the Angel Beast what wears his face!"  
  
Xander woke at the screech and turned in Spike's arms. He saw the pain that filtered over Angel's face and wanted to slap the girl. But if Angel was standing there who was holding him? He turned and saw Spike smiling kindly, "Relax, pet, you've been badly poisoned so lay still."  
  
"Dru, I want to make you better, baby." Angel said softly with hurt in his voice. To have one of his childer disown him hurt badly, even with the soul. "You need to drink my blood."  
  
"It's poison! You're trying to kill me! You killed my bird!"  
  
"Shut your eyes," Spike whispered in Xander's ear, "Drusilla," he called in a singsong voice. "Come sit next." He patted the bed in front of Xander and she instantly obeyed. The blond vampire shared a look with his sire and then turned to his black princess. "Why don't you kill the Angel Beast? Why don't you eat him?" Her eyes lit up at the prospect. Angel walked over and knelt in front of her and cocked his head to reveal the pale expanse of his neck. Dru bit savagely and drank Xander made to move but Spike held the weak boy down with one hand and shook his head. For a moment Xander was going to freak out when suddenly Drusilla's head dropped to one side. Angel had pushed in two fingers on the side of her neck. For a human this would cut off blood supply to the brain and knock them out. Dru being Dru took the placebo and as she expected to pass out, she did. "You realize of course that she's going to be pissed at me when she comes to and I haven't stopped you." Angel nodded and punched Spike in the face, "Thank you," said the blond. He saw Xander's bemused expression and said, "Well now it looks like I fought him, don't it?"  
  
Angel realized that Xander was awake for the first time and smiled at his boy, "Wanna go home?" Xander just nodded. Angel picked the boy up gently and placed Dru in bed beside Spike.  
  
Leaning over he kissed her forehead and then Spike's, "Thanks, Gelus." The blond sighed, "Do you think she'll be better?"  
  
"Even as she was drinking her thoughts and emotions were becoming clearer." He said authoritatively the bond he shared with her as his childe became even stronger as she fed. He saw the look on Spike's face and added, "Drusilla clear, not normal person clear."  
  
"Well thank you, again."  
  
"How's your money doing?"  
  
"We're kept in blood for the next two weeks."  
  
"I'll see you before it runs out. Don't get into any trouble," he entreated, "The slayer is gunning for you and I'm not in her good books right now so I won't be able to help you."  
  
"We're big kids now, Sire, we can walk without you holding us."  
  
"I know. . . I just don't like the idea of not knowing if you're ok."  
  
"You are such a mom!" the first words out of Xander's mouth had the two vampires laughing. 


	9. 9

Part: (9/?)  
  
Writer: Az K Mello  
  
Summery: what is Xander's deal?  
  
Pairing: Angel/Xander SLASH  
  
Warning: mega angst. Buffy bashing, don't read it and don't flame. I've warned you, only idiots don't read the liner notes and then bitch.  
  
The rest can be found here: at my web group or at ff.net   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Sleep now," whispered Angel as he lay the boy down. But Xander wouldn't take his arms from around Angel's neck. Instead he held fast and Angel to him.  
  
"Want you," he begged.  
  
"No you don't," said Angel, "you're very sick."  
  
"I do," Xander argued tiredly.  
  
"I'll stay with you," said Angel toeing off his shoes and pulling the boy close to him under the covers. But as Xander started to grope him he said, "No touching! Stop it, Xan, why are you doing this?"  
  
"Because I need you." The boy spoke in a small voice and wouldn't meet the vampire's eye.  
  
"You have me."  
  
"But," he looked up and all of Angel's fears and doubts were confirmed by the look in the boy's eyes. So complex were the golden brown sugar orbs. There was so much love, and fear, and self loathing, and hopelessness contained therein.  
  
It all clicked in Angel's mind and he felt physically sick, "Christ, Xander, you aren't a toy! Is that what you think? That I won't want you around if you don't put out? That I wouldn't want you physically broken because I only like your physical presence?"  
  
"No." The boy dropped his eye contact and was one strained and ticking muscle.  
  
"Fuck! You're so wrong! How could you? How did I make you think? I love you, Xander. You aren't a good lay!"  
  
"Thanks a fucking lot, Angel!" He made to move but Angel didn't even need to try to restrain him as the boy was still almost paralyzed with the toxin. It would be out of his system within the hour. The furthest he could get was about a foot between them.  
  
"That's not what I meant!" Angel was scared that he wouldn't clarify himself within the hour and that the human would leave. "You are. You're amazing in fact. So tight, and perfect, and innocent. But it's you I love not your body. You aren't *just* a good lay is what I meant. I want you in this bed for the rest of eternity. Not as the body I'm fucking but as the man I love."  
  
"Oh," said Xander softly without looking up.  
  
"How could you even think?. . . What happened to you to make you think so little of yourself? Is it just Buffy or. . . who can I kill to make you realize you're worth it? You are a beautiful, intelligent, strong man. You're funny as hell. You're kind and powerful and you will do anything to protect anyone you give a damn about. You accept me for who I am, I feel comfortable and safe around you. The guilt I feel for simply existing sinks into the background when you smile. . ." He thought about his next words he didn't want to scare the boy, but the boy didn't scare easily, "Six months ago if I had lost my soul I would have destroyed this world, no question about it. For a hundred years I've locked my demon up tight and have not let him to control anything. Sometimes I feel him or hear him and he hates this existence. He's locked in his own body and not able to do anything. Sometimes I lay awake just longing for a bloodbath. To just not have the soul and all the guilt that goes with it, to be free: to be what I am. It's who I am no matter how much I hate it or am ashamed. If I lost my soul I would have gone mad and I would have destroyed this world to avenge myself of all these indignities. But you make me feel ok on every level, you make me feel clean even in being a vampire. I love you with everything I am. And if I lost my soul now I'd order some take in and cuddle up with you in front of the telly. . . I might sneak out afterwards to kill the slayer and find something to eat, but my first instinct would be to stay with you. Because I love you, you're what I choose. I love you. Ok?"  
  
Xander nodded with a slight smile the adrenalin of the fight was dissipating. His Angel loved him, he was safe. He let the lethargy seep into him. "Can I just get some cuddles now? I promise I won't seduce you. 'M just. . ."  
  
"Tactile?" offered Angel, "come here, little one." The boy felt so good against his side. He ran his fingers over Xander's abused body. The runchcoun demon's wound was just one of many marring his love's figure. In his mind he killed Xander's father a million different ways: he was positive it was the man's work.  
  
"Hey 'm not lil. Same height!"  
  
"Right you are, love." It was true they were the same size but Xander was so young, innocent, and frightened that he came off as much smaller than he was. Angel was planning on mending all of Xander's emotional insecurities, the boy *would* see who he was. "I shouldn't have started a fight with you. Poison is still pumping through your veins. You shouldn't have saved me. It couldn't have hurt me. The poison is like a mosquito's spit. They inject it to make the blood thinner and easy to drink, I don't have the right blood. Thank you for trying to save me Xander. No one's ever tried to save me. No one's ever felt I was worth saving before. To have a creature such as yourself put me first. . . I can't even explain. . . Whistler told me I would find redemption at the side of the slayer. I thought I was to fight by her, turns out that what he meant was that a brunette would be standing on her right with bangs in his eyes and clothes that undermined his beauty." Throughout Angel's soft words Xander had been finding the perfect spot to be completely comfortable. He was in that state wherein one's body is completely weightless yet at the same time so heavy and one is totally aware of their entire being.  
  
"Angel?" asked the seraph when he was all wrapped up around his lover. The protectiveness of the position made Angel smile. The boy was his protector. How odd yet wholly correct.  
  
"Um?" he came out of his own drowse to answer.  
  
"I'm sorry about Drusilla, I know how hard it must have been for you." Angel's arms tightened reflexively around the boy's waist.  
"Yeah," his voice was shaky, "ever since I got my soul. . ."  
  
"Can I do anything? I mean, she's scary as hell, but maybe I could talk to her? Could I maybe try? Would that be ok? Tell me if I'm crossin' a line."  
  
"That would be fine." Tears fell down Angel's face as he stroked the back of the human's head. "Go to sleep, dear boy. You're sick and need rest and so do I."  
  
"Love you."  
  
"And you too." 


	10. 10

Part: (10/?)  
  
Writer: Az K Mello  
  
Summery: what is Xander's deal?  
  
Pairing: Angel/Xander SLASH  
  
Warning: mega angst. Buffy bashing, (though in a way I feel you pity her in this part) don't read it and don't flame. I've warned you, only idiots don't read the liner notes and then bitch.  
  
Placement: soon after the Dark Age as Ethan Rayne seems to be a buzz word. This is in fact in the middle of What's My Line? But that story line won't happen.  
  
The rest can be found here: at my web group or at ff.net   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"I just can't believe it, ya know? How could they do this to me?" Buffy padded around her room in slippers as she spoke on the phone to Willow.  
  
"They didn't *mean* to hurt you," said Willow in a placating manner.  
  
"Angel did," corrected Buffy sullenly.  
  
"Well you were *really* mean to Xander throughout all of this. He never intended to steal your honey. All the way through he was worried about you. In his mind he was raping Angel and hurting you. Never did he once think about himself. The only time he thought even kinda selfishly was when he worried about you hating him. You're his best friend! He always stayed away from Angel because he didn't want to hurt you. Can you imagine what he's felt like during this debacle? To have the person you love be madly in love with you but it's supposedly a spell making it all happen? Can you now blame him? What would you have done in his place?"  
  
"I guess. . . I just wish he'd of talked to me. I would have listened." Willow sighed Buffy was finally sounding like herself. "But Angel shouldn't have betrayed me. I want vengeance! I want restitution!"  
  
"That's a Giles word." Will tried to break the tension, it didn't work. "They're going away soon. Calm down and hang in there, in a few days you won't have to see them."  
  
"That's not good enough!"  
  
"I don't know what to tell you, Buffy. You have to understand: whatever you do will hurt Xander too."  
  
"No you don't understand: I don't care." Said the blonde slayer sounding so reminiscent of the dark slayer who had yet to be called.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"What are we going to do? We pretty much forced Xander to sleep with the vampire and now we're upset with the results? How is that fair? We can't help who we love that's why so many people die for it! Like Romeo and Juliet, except in this case it's Romeo and Tybalt. . . and now Juliet is gunning for Romeo and ignoring the fact that it will badly hurt her cousin! What are we going to do? Giles! Be the grown up!" the girl didn't take a breath from the time the man picked up until the time he went to speak.  
  
"Willow? Calm down, breath." He waited until he heard her breath even out and said, "Right, now exactly what was said." Her words came out in a torrent as she told him, word for word, her conversation with Buffy. "Alright," he said after a moment of thinking, "I must go to Angel. There are no other options." His was betrayal against his slayer but she seemed too far gone for it to matter. Sighing heavily he asked, "Do you have his address?"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Mr. Giles," Said Angel running a hand through his generally immaculate hair. His locks now stood at odd angles to his head. "Come in." He looked at the dark sky and realized that they had slept the whole day away. It had been nice, waking for a few minutes of cuddling and talking and then falling back to Morpheus' safe arms.  
  
"Angel, Hello." Giles was extremely apprehensive to be here. This wasn't his place.  
  
"What can I do for you?" asked the dark vampire with a benevolent smile.  
  
As he spoke Xander came out of a doorway behind him. Clad only in a low riding pair of sweats his hair was similar to the style Angel was sporting. "G-man! How are you?"  
  
"I *do* wish you wouldn't call me that." he said tapping his foot the way he so often did in the library when he lost control of the conversation.  
  
"Just wait," said Xander, "it starts with the foot and the hand drumming if there's a surface handy, then he cleans his glasses while pretending to now notice what's goin' on, and if you get him *really* annoyed he clucks like a chicken."  
  
Giles made a tutting sound but it was undermined by his smile, "Yes well, you've never seen me really annoyed."  
  
"Ethan Rayne," coughed Xander.  
  
"Oh yes, good old Ethan, bringing fun costumes and old playmates along for the ride." He smiled fondly, he missed the Ethan he'd grown up with. If only the man could get over his childish obsession with chaos they could be together again. As it stood they were at the opposite ends of the spectrum. . . and there was Jenny, though he would toss her in an instant if he could have Ethan home again. What a finicky man he was. He came out of his reverie to see the two men smiling at him, "Look, that's not why I'm here."  
  
"Why *are* you here?" asked a Xander who was coloured confused. It wasn't that he didn't want Giles there it was just that the man had never visited him after school hours and he certainly didn't socialize with Angel.  
  
"Buffy's "Gunning" for you, Angel." He grimaced at the expression, bloody colonials.  
  
"Bugger," said a voice from behind him. He turned to see William the Bloody leaning in the doorway smoking.  
  
"Spike!" he shrieked, though it was a very manly shriek.  
  
"Don't bother," said Xander, "he isn't that evil."  
  
"Hey!" said Spike, walking into the building proper, and was about to correct the boy when Angel spoke.  
  
"William," he said in a soft warning, "Don't smoke in my apartment."  
  
"Sorry," he said averting his eyes in a supplicating stance he also didn't want to see the scorn in the eyes of the watcher as he stubbed his fag out with the heal of his boot on the porch. "So you two comin' to stay? Shall I get some nibbles into the house for the boy?"  
  
"Yeah, we'll be over in a bit, Spike." Spike nodded but did not leave, this was far too interesting to go. It was like Pay-per-view but without the charge. "Giles," Angel turned to the man who was on stage two of his agitation as he cleaned his spectacles, "we'll be gone by the week's end. Xander?" he asked softly looking to his lover.  
  
The boy nodded slightly and gave the dark vampire a small smile. "Giles, are you ok? I *really* don't want to be the cause of you inevitable aneurysm."  
  
"I'm fine. Just very confused."  
  
"I'll swing by the library during lunch and try to explain everything."  
  
"Thank you, Xander."  
  
Angel smiled politely, "And thank you, Mr. Giles."  
  
"Yes, well, Buffy's been very distant and changed recently. The girl I know wouldn't have wanted either of you to get hurt. . . speaking of which: what happened to your shoulder?"  
  
Xander looked at the dressing, "Oh, um, what was it called again?"  
  
"A runchcoun," Angel and Spike said in unison.  
  
"It was a big, furry thing," added Xander.  
  
"Dear god! And you lived?"  
  
Instantly panicking Xander said, "What?! Angel, I could have died?!!!"  
  
"Good job on *not* scaring the boy, Watcher. Honestly! I'm not human, I have the tact of a four year old, yet even I knew it was a subject to be avoided."  
  
Ignoring the conversation Angel spoke only to his boy, "I killed it before it could do any real damage."  
  
"Plus he sucked all the poison out of your wound while grimacing!" added a very helpful Spike.  
  
"You were in no danger," Angel pretended his childe hadn't opened his mouth. "I was right at your side." He touched the boy's face and pushed hair out of his eyes. "I wouldn't let you get hurt."  
  
"But it could have? Hurt me that is?"  
  
"They're very dangerous, powerful creatures."  
  
Spike rolled his eyes at the sentimental scene in front of him, it put his fangs on edge. "Pack, eat, shag: whatever come over whenever ye like." He didn't wait for a reply and stalked off into the night.  
  
Giles stood watching the pair. The closeness between them made him feel uncomfortable, an unwelcome voyeur. Under his breath he clucked softly like a chicken. He left quickly.  
  
"Told you he clucked." Xander smirked as he lent against Angel's chest starting to feel woozy.  
  
"You shouldn't be standing," Angel stroked the back of his head, "Let's go to the movies."  
  
Xander was slightly taken aback, Angel went to the movies? He said nothing on the matter though, "Nothing with loud explosions or subtitles: my head is still kinda spinning."  
  
"Sun Cinema's got a cartoon retrospect," suggested the dark vampire with a small smile at his boy. He knew Xander would love it, though maybe the boy wouldn't admit to it.  
  
"Where's my Angel and what have you done with him?" asked Xander with a laugh.  
  
"Everyone gets days off. . . nights in my case. I'm gonna let my hair down and not worry about redemption and world saving."  
  
"Let your hair down? No gel? Gasp!"  
  
"Are you trying to piss me off?" he asked but pulled the boy's chin up from its resting place on his shoulder for a kiss. Something about this mortal made him crazy. "You ok with all this? Bunking in with my childer? Going away?"  
  
"I go where you go," he said with a bright, reassuring smile. Angel could feel his pants tightening at the Xander's words. "But in all, seriousness are you sure about the movie? Can you deal?"  
  
Angel smirked, "You think of me as an adult. You think I'm sophisticated? I may be centuries old but I'm still the boy I was in life, only less stupid and more calm. I died because I was drunk and chasing skirt. That was all I did in my life. The drunkenness you can put down to being a healthy Irish lad and chasing skirt, well- I was a twenty year old healthy Irish lad. But Liam McSwenny wasn't an intellect. I like cartoons."  
  
"Liam?" asked Xander softly. "Pretty name." What he had just said seeped into his possibly concussed head and he blushed.  
  
"Thanks," said Angel noting the boy's embarrassment. "Being changed made me a violent drunk as apposed to a randy one," he felt Xander shudder but tactfully ignored it and just held him. "And getting a soul made me read, because what else could I do with eternity? That's when I did all my growing up."  
  
"You mean?"  
  
"I never killed a demon until I came here. Maybe a few but that was for sport or honor. Until I came here I wandered for a century pitying myself."  
  
"Wow." Xander could think of nothing intelligent to say.  
  
"Let's get you dressed and get packed so we're out of here before Buffy comes."  
  
Smiling Xander said, "You really are planning on dressing me aren't you?"  
  
"Well, you have a hurt shoulder." Angel tried to justify his reason and sound innocent but his leer undermined his statement. Xander took pity on his lover and wrapped a leg around Angel's waist, "Besides," continued Angel, "dressing you means I get to first undress you and worship you in a fitting manner. And then we can go to the ten o'clock showing: it'll be a bona fide date!" He smiled wryly as he walked to the bedroom half carrying his love.  
  
A/N: are people losing interest in this? I haven't been getting much feedback and I'm just wondering what people are thinking. 


	11. 11

Part: (11/?)  
  
Writer: Az K Mello  
  
Summery: A first date at the movies.  
  
Pairing: Angel/Xander SLASH  
  
Warning: mega angst. Buffy bashing, don't read it and don't flame. I've warned you, only idiots don't read the liner notes and then bitch.  
  
Placement: soon after the Dark Age. This is in fact in the middle of What's My Line? But that story line won't happen.  
  
The rest can be found here: at my web group or at ff.net   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It was odd. The night was warm and clear. They had packed the car up with the things from Angel's apartment that they would need for the trip and then parked two blocks for Sun Cinema. And as they walked along they kicked a stone between them and talked. It was like a real date, a real first date. It was as though they had never slept together. They were happy in each other's presence and looking forward to going away. If anyone had seen them they would have thought they were a perfectly normal couple, except for the fact that they were both men, but after all that wasn't so odd. No one would have thought that there was 226 years between them.  
  
Angel was in seventh heaven. To have Xander there, to have Xander want to be there: it was a dream come true. He was careful not to touch the boy, he knew that seventeen year olds were touchy about their sexuality. . . mortals were touchy about their sexuality. What he didn't want was to make things hard for Xander. The boy could rule where this was going. He smiled as a warm hand slipped into his. He squeezed gently and rubbed the mortal's hand. It all felt so good. He wanted this touch to last forever. He had meant it when he said that he wanted Xander by his side for all times. But he wouldn't push for it, he would make the boy want it. But in the back of his mind a small voice was saying, "You're gonna let him be around Dru unmarked? Are you mad?" He agreed with that voice as he eyed Xander's neck. A pale column of beautiful flesh. How would the youth feel about being claimed? Would he resent Angel? Would he feel used or somehow emasculated? Angel feared scaring the boy, Xander Harris wasn't exactly known for his composed disposition. He was as skittish as a horse when it came to matters of the heart. And Angel couldn't bear the idea of forcing the boy into something he didn't want.  
  
"Angel, not that I have a problem with it but why exactly *are* you eyeing up my neck?"  
  
Sighing Angel said, "If I told you I wanted to put a claim mark on you what would you say?" Xander stopped in his tracks and turned to his companion. "I'm just worried about staying with Drusilla," Angel thought he saw brief pain cross Xander's eyes but then it was gone. What did the boy want him to say? "I don't know how best to protect you from her. And the only way I know you'd be completely safe is if you were claimed. No vampire would touch you, not even one as mad as Dru."  
  
"Ok." Xander sounded somewhat dejected.  
  
"Really?" Angel was surprised that the boy would so quickly agree. "Are you sure?"  
  
"If you need to do it to make sure I'm safe I can't find a fault with it." Xander spoke breezily as they walked though he felt his legs might go out any minute. Angel wanted to put a claim on him? Well, holy smokes, Batman! But why did he want it? Because he wanted Xander? No, because he wanted to keep Xander safe. He knew it was ridiculous he knew he should just be content with the fact that the vampire gave a damn about his well being. But for three whole seconds he had felt the world fall from beneath him. . . and then been crashed back into it.  
  
Looking at the boy's face Angel could tell there were things that weren't being said out loud. How was it that he could read this boy so easily yet Buffy had left him at a loss? Around the slayer he had acted like an idiot, he had thought that it was just that she was human and that he wasn't. That all of their emotional hurtles had been caused by his *lack* of human emotions. Around her he had felt stunted, that he was somehow inadequate and lacking. He had never known what she thought or how best to act. But he *wasn't* lacking, everything he had with Xander proved that. With Xander he burned, surely what he felt for Xander, the intensity and fervor of his love would qualify as a true pure emotion. Things were easier with the boy. It was saying something when a relationship started with a spell and the pending threat of rape was easier than one with a sixteen year old girl. But he understood Xander. And he was pretty sure the boy understood him. He didn't like the look that Xander's face was sporting. He couldn't figure it out and that was unsettling he was supposed to be able to do that!  
  
"It doesn't have to mean anything if you don't want it to. Unless you claim me as well it isn't real. It's just protection. This isn't permanent or anything. Ok?"  
  
Xander's mouth went dry but he nodded. Wow, had Angel just told him that it was nothing? Had he been assuring the boy or himself? Well who the hell would want to tie themselves to Xander "Zeppo" Harris for eternity? It could be said in a moment of lust but once everything was calm it was easy to see that Xander was nothing amazing. "You don't need to explain I read the Watchers' Diaries. I know all about bonding."  
  
"That's good. You know what you're getting into. So you're ok with taking that first step? I mean, I know it must be scary and I won't pressure you into anything. No matter what you decide in the long run. . . I mean, even if you don't want me forever. . . I always be here for you when you need me." A light went off in Xan's mind. Angel was desperate for it but treading gently! He was giving Xander space! He *did* want him. "You can take as long as you like. . . It's not as though I'm going anywhere, and I know it's a big decision. I mean you're mortal, and seventeen and it would be brash to just go, 'hey great idea! I've always wanted to be married to a vamp for eternity!' To know that you would even consider it is great."  
  
"Angel?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Would it be ok if I threw you up against that wall for a quick necking?" asked Xander with a leer.  
  
"I think I would be alright with that." Angel smiled as he hit the wall and was assaulted by a hot mouth. He pulled the mortal closer as Xander's leg slid between his. Groaning he damned himself for denying this pleasure for too long, forget about his hundred years of celibacy, he had spent the last two years at the side of a girl who *didn't* make him burn. "Xander?" he moaned as the boy pulled back to breath.  
  
"Um-hum?" gasped the boy.  
  
"Do you want to go to that movie or just to Spike's?" Xander thought for a moment and then Angel answered for him, "One more snog and then we'll go buy tickets." He nodded as if to agree with himself and pulled the boy back to him.  
  
"Well, well, well." A voice drawled behind them and Xander flinched. And Angel had been trying do hard not to make him uncomfortable. "Xander Harris," the big blonde man-child said with a smirk. "Is that your boyfriend?"  
  
"No, Larry," Xander said sarcastically, "He just asked me for directions and I couldn't resist throwing him against the closest flat surface. What do you *think*?" Angel laughed into the boy's neck. He could smell the slight traces of fear, there was no doubt that this kid had at some point beaten Xander up, he was just the type. And yet did that stop Xander from making his trademark comments? Of course not. DIRECTIONS: open mouth, insert foot, repeat as desired. USE: to get one both in and out of trouble. He loved the innocent mortal so much.  
  
Larry's eyes suddenly became serious, "Good for you, man." He smiled kindly and walked away.  
  
"That was odd," Angel said with a laugh as he pushed himself away from the wall and towards the theater. "So I'm your boyfriend?"  
  
"No, I'm pretty sure you were asking me how to get to The Espresso Pump."  
  
Angel laughed and slipped his hand into Xander's back pocket. It was all so fucking easy. . . so when was the other shoe going to drop? 


	12. 12

Part: (12/?)  
  
Writer: Az K Mello  
  
Summery: Angel thinks of parents.  
  
The movie they see is a film made by a friend of mine. It's called Life and is copyrighted.  
  
Warning: mega angst. Buffy bashing, don't read it and don't flame. I've warned you, only idiots don't read the liner notes and then bitch.  
  
Notes in other bits:   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The movie was odd. It started in the fashion of those old news reels that used to be shown before a movie. The news reel talked of animation and then it faded into an interview with a design graphic expert, he worked at one of those places that made movies like Jurassic Park. And then the interview shifted to two six year old twins, a boy and girl. It shifted again from them to a twelve year old who barely looked up from his Gameboy while talking. A film student talked about the revolution of animation while shots of all different types of people watching cartoons were spliced into his words. This was followed by a montage of loonytoons, and anime, and claymation, and all other styles of cartoons. The clips were set to a tribal beat so that the actual words of each scene was not heard. There was a disturbing juxtaposition of the Carebears with an extremely violent nazi propaganda cartoon.  
  
Xander watched the screen with rapt interest and was unaware that he was being watched with equal fervor. Darkness was home for the vampire. And so while situated in his natural habitat Angel took the opportunity to study his young lover. Movement was a form of talking, Xander never shut up. His lower lips were chewed, licked, and pursed. Angel couldn't help but mimic the act. He liked to witness the way the boy moved: he thought of it as a lesson as to how he ticked. The way the boy's face lit up when he laughed made Angel want to break, it hurt so badly to look at that happiness. It ached.  
  
The pale neck he stared at was so perfect. He felt his mouth watering, which was never a good thing. In his mind he tried to trace the steps he had taken to completely revert to a teenager with no control over his hormones. Xander's neck was completely unmarred, this fact made Angel nervous. Outside of his neck, there were about thirty square inches of flawless skin. Angel wasn't an idiot, he knew a badly abused body when he saw one. The question then was why had Harris Senior never touched his son's neck? It wasn't out of fear of getting caught. The boy had covered up for the man his whole life and would have instantly donned turtlenecks if the need had arisen. So then what had stopped him? Some of the scared on the seraph's body were deep and frightening, so the man hadn't feared that injuring his son's neck would kill him. He wouldn't have given a damn if he had killed Xander. The only other possibility made Angel's dead blood boil and freeze simultaneously.  
  
"Not that I mind," said Xander suddenly looking at him as the credits started to roll, "but I think I should tell you that you're staring at my neck again."  
  
"I'm just fantasizing about claiming you." Angel's words were half true.  
  
Smiling Xander said, "You were doing that about ten minutes ago when you were looking all dreamy. But you're sporting angry, pensive face now."  
  
"I'm always sporting pensive face." Xander gave him an incredulous look and Angel sighed, "I don't think you want to know."  
  
"Hey," Xander reached out and turned Angel's face to his, "this is me."  
  
Angel swallowed hard as the last person exited the theater. Softly he said, "You have the most perfect neck I've ever seen. I don't like that." He saw Xander flinch and realized how badly he had worded his concern. Quickly he reached over the arm rest and pulled Xand onto his lap so that he could hold him as he spoke. "Some vampires like humans as pets. And some people in the know sell others to vampires. Generally it's parents selling their kids. These people aren't all bad, some are desperate for the money or sometimes a kid is sick and their parents hope the vamp will turn them, save their life. It's complicated I guess. The thing is that the one big stipulation is the condition of the pet's neck. No vamp will buy a human if their neck isn't perfect."  
  
Silently Xander ran his hands over Angel's shoulders. "I'm right here, Angel. No one's sold me yet. Just because people live here doesn't mean they know about these things."  
  
"Xander," Angel said incredulously, "He's drunk not blind." He saw Xander's eyes darken and instantly regretted his words. "I-"  
  
"No one here sees the truth! It wouldn't matter if he was the head of the PTA."  
  
"Down-and-outs see it more easily than the rational folk, they're more apt to believe their eyes." Angel wouldn't drop the subject. The lights came up and Angel smiled apologetically. "And anyway most don't have children who go out every night to put their lives on the line for the "good fight". I'm sorry, I'll shut up. It's just you asked me what was going on in my head and I'm not that great at lying."  
  
"I can't get upset because you're worried. But just keep in mind that I did make it this far. I put a lock on my door and blasted the music of pain aka country, and I survived. I'm not in need of your protection. I don't need the white knight."  
  
"I'm certainly not a white knight, just a vamp with a white hat." Xander smirked, "I'm just a worry wort."  
  
"I never thought I would hear that out of your mouth, Mr. Taciturn." Xander leaned in and kissed him gently. "Let's go home?"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
This is just a short chapter because I needed to get back into the swing. Feedback? 


	13. 13

Part: (13/?)  
  
Writer: Az K Mello  
  
Summery: Xander gets freaked out, Angel is (as always) slightly clueless.  
  
Warning: mega angst. Buffy bashing, don't read it and don't flame. I've warned you, only idiots don't read the liner notes and then bitch.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
As they drove to Spike's Angel got steadily more irritated. In his mind he was imagining things he had done back in the "good ol' days" in every thought he replaced the victim with his boy. Eventually Xander made him pull over, "Some of us," he said, "are not immortal."  
  
"I can fix that," offered Angel in a growl, sarcastic and mean. He wasn't angry at Xander he was. . . lashing out. His anger was directed at everyone who had hurt the mortal.  
  
Staring at him Xander said, "Not right now. Get out, I'm driving us the rest of the way."  
  
"Why?" asked Angel with genuine bewilderment.  
  
"Because I'm too young to die."  
  
The reply was cold, "You're never too young to die."  
  
"You're too angry to drive, Angel."  
  
"I'm not angry," he didn't look the boy in the eye, "I'm just. . . angry." He pulled the keys out of the ignition and handed them to Xander. Sighing heavily he threw his head back and shut his eyes while leaning against the headrest.  
  
Xander looked at the Cadillac, he hated bucket seats. Carefully he climbed over the stick shift and straddled Angel's lap. He kissed the vampire in a gentle way that he hoped was comforting. But Angel hardly responded to his mouth. It made the boy scared, "Care to explain the sudden moroseness?"  
  
"It's just so fucked up." His tone was cold and Xander felt sick.  
  
"I get it." He remembered well Angel's words in the cinema, ~~The thing is that the one big stipulation is the condition of the pet's neck. No vamp will buy a human if their neck isn't perfect.~~ Vampires wanted perfection in their possessions. Xander had no allusions about the state of his being. He was fucked up, Angel saw that now. He didn't need to be kicked to the curb, he got the message. He kissed Angel's forehead. "I love you," he said softly as he placed the keys in the vampire's hand, "Goodbye, Angel." He opened the door to leave but Angel grabbed his hips and held him in place. "Do you realize that every time I go to leave you keep holding me back?"  
  
"That's rather poetic," said Angel and then tacked on angrily, "but where *the hell* are you leaving to?"  
  
"I don't know. . . I'll go home. He'll let me back, after all he wouldn't want to lose his chattels."  
  
Angel's fingers tightened on his hips. "There is no fucking way I would let you go back there!"  
  
"It's sweet to know you care." Xander wouldn't meet his eye, he was afraid he would cry.  
  
"What?!? Xander, what is going on here? You yourself said it was hell why would you go back there?" he left his question there though he wanted to tack on, without me, but he couldn't bare to in fear of Xander stomping on his heart.  
  
"No *you* said it was hell. You never asked, you just assumed. Maybe I'm a cutter! Maybe every scar on my body came from my own hand! Maybe I'm my parent's golden boy and I ran away because I wanted you!"  
  
Before he opened his mouth Angel knew he would lose if he tried to argue. He knew damn well what Xander's home life had been. And the boy knew that Angel knew. But that didn't mean that it was *alright* for Angel to know. So instead of arguing he took what was, in his mind, an easer way. "You left for me? Then why are you going?"  
  
"I hate how you do that," Xander muttered.  
  
"Do what?" Angel asked angrily, frustrated that he wasn't in control of the situation.  
  
"You make it so that anyway I answer I have to bare my soul and maybe get kicked! I don't know what the right answer is," he sounded suddenly so tired, "Five minutes ago it would have been to say something mean and sarcastic and then run back to Willow's house." He looked up meeting Angel's gaze. The vampire had to stop himself from recoiling at the pain in the boy's eyes, "I don't know what you want to hear. I don't know the right answer."  
  
"I just. . . I don't want you to get hurt." Was the vampire's cryptic reply. He didn't know what had upset the boy so badly. And if it was his anger that had set it off he felt awful. But the fear in his mortal's eyes belayed the thought that he was at the root of the issue. This was something deeper. Xander wasn't mad at Angel for being pissy, it was something else. And perhaps, thought Angel, it was best to let the boy work it out on his own.  
  
Xander nodded, "It's ok. I'm not." The vampire watched as the boy's eyes became a cold shield, "I understand everything, I'm fine. I'm gonna go." He slide off of Angel's lap and turned to leave.  
  
"Where? Not to him? Pease, Xan, if you must leave me don't go back to him!"  
  
"What?" he asked slowly turning to look at Angel. Confusion was etched across the innocent visage. Did the vampire really give a damn about him? Words from a movie he had seen echoed in his head he mutters them in his own mind, "that's sweet, he never wants to see the girl again but he doesn't want her to get hacked to pieces in the underground parking lot." Now he guessed he knew how Angelina Jolie felt. The person he loved gave a damn, just not about the right things.  
  
"Please, Christ! I mean, just don't. . . please, don't go back there, Xander." Angel was trying his hardest to give the boy space but all he wanted was to cling to him. Just a few hours ago had he honestly been thinking of this as easy?  
  
Slowly Xander turned to the road, "I promise."  
  
The darkness crowded around Angel as he was left sitting befuddled in his cold, empty car. Confusion didn't even start to explain what he felt. So much pain and hurt and befuddlement, He felt tears fall down his face and then reminded himself that The Scourge of Europe never cried. 


	14. 14

Part: (14/?)  
  
Writer: Az K Mello  
  
Summery: Spike explains relationships to Angel  
  
Warning: mega angst. Buffy bashing, don't read it and don't flame. I've warned you, only idiots don't read the liner notes and then bitch.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
He walked in without saying a word and slammed himself into a chair feeling dejected. Spike looked up from his newspaper with a raised eyebrow. "And where is the boy?" he asked slowly.  
  
"Willow's." He said simply as he dropped his head into his hands.  
  
"Ah," Spike said understandingly but when his sire offered no details he asked, "why?"  
  
"Because he hates me." Angel's answer was muffled through his hands.  
  
"Why?" asked Spike again. He saw the back of his sire's neck twitch and knew that his question had just moved Angel's mood from upset to antagonistic and so he added to his question hastily, "I'm very good at this sort o' thing. Tell me what's what and I'll help you fix it." Angel poured out the events of the night in under two minutes. "Let me get it strait, Xander came out to a bully, you ripped apart his personal history, and then you did you're whole brooding thing. And you wonder why he left?"  
  
"He hates me?" ventured Angel.  
  
"No, you dolt, he loves you." Angel looked at him blankly. "Lesson time, Sire, Humans are like small animals, they break easily. Xander was wholly naked by the end of the night. He alienated himself from his peers and then you point out the flaws in his life and go suddenly cold. So he was standing there striped and you weren't paying attention. So instead of you dumping him he took the initiative and saved the you trouble. Pardon my insubordination, Angelus, but are you stupid?"  
  
"Yes," he said as he stood.  
  
Looking up Spike asked, "Where are you going?"  
  
"I'm gonna stop being an idiot and do what I should have done long ago."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"Claim what's mine." 


	15. 15

Part: (15/?)  
  
Writer: Az K Mello  
  
Summery: Xander sulks.  
  
Warning: mega angst. Buffy bashing, don't read it and don't flame. I've warned you, only idiots don't read the liner notes and then bitch.  
  
Thanks to Rhonda for helping me with the physics of Sunnydale.   
  


* * *

  
As she brushed her hair willow watched Xander over her shoulder in the mirror. He sat on the cot her mom had set up for him, doing his homework. "You realize it's Saturday night, right?" She looked at her watch, "Well Sunday morning."  
  
"Just figured I would get it out of the way." He didn't look up from the textbook, "Thanks again for letting me stay. . . again."  
  
"Always, but, um. What happened with you and Angel? I thought you were totally cuddle bunnies?" her words were hesitant.  
  
"He came to his senses." Xander had stopped reading but kept his eyes firmly locked on the page of his history book.  
  
"What?" asked Willow in a low slightly dangerous tone.  
  
"Yeah, he realized exactly what he was getting into. So I let him off the hook. . . that's not true it wasn't all highroad like that. I was a coward and dumped him before he dumped me."  
  
"You broke up?" He looked up at the question and saw her knitted brow as she asked the question.  
  
He swallowed hard before answering, "I think so, yeah. And we were gonna go away for a while but, but I don't think that'll happen. I think he was relieved when I left. He said he didn't want to hurt me. . . I think he thought it was all a great idea and then reality came to call. He's a good man, he never meant to make me hurt."  
  
"But it's ok that you do hurt." She said gently.  
  
"I'm not really the Emotion Type Guy. Ya know? And if I let myself well. . . I figured it was best to do my work before sinking into the blissful state of self-indulgent misery."  
  
Internally Willow smiled. Angel had brought out a side of her friend that she hadn't seen in a long time, not since Jesse died. He had covered his intelligence ever since Buffy had arrived on the scene. He had honed his eloquence into nothing but barbs and cynical witticism. With Angel by his side he had reverted somewhat to the golden boy she used to know. For so long it seemed that the light in him had dulled, he didn't care about school or life really because his lifeline had been turned into dust. But now even while miserable he was falling back into old speech patterns. She couldn't, *wouldn't*, believe that he and Angel were through.  
  
No sooner had the thought crossed her mind than Angel was standing at her door, knocking. She smiled weakly as she opened the door and he smiled gently back, he had always liked the redhead. "I thought you weren't allowed to have boys in your room."  
  
"Oh, Xander's exempt on the grounds that he isn't a boy, he's my Xander shaped friend."  
  
"That's sweet," Angel said with sincerity. He looked over her shoulder at his boy. "Can we speak?" He felt misery pour off Xander even as the boy nodded. "Thanks."  
  
Willow gave her best friend a small, supportive smile as he walked by. Shutting the door behind them she watched as they walked across the patio and into her yard. She prayed her parents didn't see them. If her dad saw them Ira was liable to go out and offer Angel a cup of coffee and scold Xan for being up. 


	16. 16

Part: (16/?)  
  
Writer: Az K Mello  
  
Summery: Things get discussed. Angel *doesn't* put his foot in it.  
  
Warning: mega angst. Buffy bashing, don't read it and don't flame. I've warned you, only idiots don't read the liner notes and then bitch.  
  
Disclaimer: Yeats owns the poem. . . is it bad that I would so lick a dead poet if I could? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Angel smiled when Xander leaned up against a tree in a very "James Dean Cool" kind of way. He saw fear flicker across the boy's face and wanted to stake himself for it. He placed a hand on the trunk of the tree next to Xan's face. "Hi," he said at a loss for words when he looked at his beautiful mortal. Quickly he reminded himself that Xander wasn't his yet. He realized it was time to throw himself at the alter of love and hope it didn't hurt. Of course in a few hundred years he had picked up a modicum of tact and knew not to mention Spike that much. He was going to go down the road of, "I'm confused, love me please".  
  
"I lied." He spoke flatly and ignored the quick flash of hurt, "I told you I didn't want you to get hurt. But what I want is to have you forever. I don't want anything else. You're where it ends for me. And when I think about what that bastard did to you I get so angry. I want you to *never* hurt. I want to make you happy. And I want to keep doing it forever. And then tonight you left, I don't want to force you into anything you don't want." His gaze met big brown eyes. "I would hate to think I had coerced you into something. "Had I the heavens' embroided cloths,. Enwrought with golden and silver light. The blue and the dim and the dark cloths. Of night and light and the half-light. I would spread the cloths under your feet: But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams." Say something."  
  
"Pretty, d'ya make it up yourself?"  
  
Angel laughed, upon seeing the boy's honesty in the remark he sobered and played down the fact that it was an extremely famous poem. "No, some poet wrote it."  
  
Nodding Xander asked in a rushed voice, "Will, y'claim me?"  
  
Smiling Angel said, "God, yes. Do you have *any* idea how *precious* you are?" Xander just looked at him oddly with one eyebrow quirked. "What happened earlier?" He wanted to hear Xander's words. Not Spike's explanation of the teenage mind.  
  
"Got scared." He looked down to the grass.  
  
"Of what? Of me?"  
  
"You got all pensive and I figured it was best to beat you to the punch."  
  
"I could never leave you. I would have a hard enough time letting you go." His face loomed over Xander's. Their lips brushed as he talked. "I brood. I was planning painful deaths for your father and hating myself because I did much worse things in my time."  
  
"At least your honest." Xander smiled wryly as he pulled Angel to himself for a sweet kiss. It was passionate in the quietest form: slow, and timid, and filled with unspoken emotion. "Claim me?"  
  
Angel shook his head sadly. "Willow's dad is watching us. He'll think I'm biting you. He'll be right too."  
  
"What?!" Xander looked over Angel's shoulder and sure enough Ira Rosenberg was standing in the window.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Ira?" Sheila asked as she walked down the stairs in her dressing gown. "It's late, come to bed."  
  
"In a minute. I heard a noise and. . ." His words were absent as though he wasn't truly aware of her presence.  
  
"What are you looking at?" she asked as she came to stand next to him, "Xander has a friend," she said with a soft tone, "That's nice. I mean, I know he has Willow but he needs a boy friend to relate to about man stuff." They watched as Angel leaned over and kissed the boy, "I suddenly feel like an unwelcome voyeur." She turned away from the window.  
  
"You were the one who said he needed a boyfriend." Ira said with a wry smile.  
  
Sheila leveled her face to him with an expression that reminded him of his daughter's "resolved face". "Don't do anything stupid. That boy deserves a reprieve in his life and he certainly doesn't need *you* saying anything unkind to him. If he's happy you're gonna leave him alone!"  
  
"What would I say?" asked Ira feeling genuinely hurt by his wife's accusations. "If he's happy so am I! I wonder," he said introspectively, "if Xander's friend would like some coffee, it's awfully late. . . why is Xander up at this time of the morning?" 


	17. 17

Part: (17/?)  
  
Writer: Az K Mello  
  
Summery: Possessions get possessed.  
  
Warning: mega angst. Buffy bashing, don't read it and don't flame. I've warned you, only idiots don't read the liner notes and then bitch.  
  
Note: The hill they are on is the one in season three ep 44 where Angel nearly kills himself at the first's insistence. That has yet to happen as this is set in season two but Angel's words here give insight into future actions. The bond herein is explained. It is the same bond as the one in That Damned Happiness Clause. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
They drove in comfy silence with the college radio station on low in the background. Xander liked the feeling of the wind on his face as they sped through the night in Angel's convertible. Angel ruffled his free hand through Xander's hair. He glanced over his shoulder and saw Xander's backed bag in the back seat. "This is great! I think this is great. It is great, right? I'm happy," he said softly, "are you happy?"  
  
Xander smiled at his sleepily as his head lolled slightly to one side to look at his lover. "'Very,' to every question." The car came to a halt and Xander sat up slightly to look around. "Wow, great view, where are we?"  
  
"It's nice isn't it? We're up above the mansion on the side of a cliff. I always figured if I went made with grief over past wrongs I would greet the dawn here." He said it in a dreamy voice as if he were talking about a holiday in France and not his suicide.  
  
"But. That's. Not. Why. We're. Here. Right?" asked Xander haltingly afraid of what he might witness.  
  
Angel laughed, "I brought you up here to claim you in front of the most stunning view of the town."  
  
"Good, because I have no idea how to get Angel dust out of leather upholstery. Hey, Angel Dust!" Angel just laughed and pulled the boy to himself for a chaste kiss.  
  
"C'mon, let me show you the view." He said as he pulled at Xander to get out of the car. "I flat out refuse to claim you in a car like some fumbling teenager, blindly hoping things go well." In his sleepy form Xander slunk out of the car unwittingly oozing sex appeal. Angel pulled the mortal to a rock near the edge and sat down with the smaller man in his lap. "See? Isn't it pretty?"  
  
"Beautiful," said Xander but he was looking at Angel and not the view. "Make me yours?"  
  
Angel smiled slowly, "Are you sure? This is the first step to something permanent. And we're not talking tattoo permanent, this is eternal bonding."  
  
"I know, I want this." Xander said with a gentle smile finally completely awake. He was simply basking in the look of joy that Angel was wearing. "I've wanted this for so long." He stood and turned around in Angel's lap so that when he sat back down he was face to face with the vampire.  
  
"God, that makes me happy." Angel smiled and then frowned.  
  
"Whatsdematta?" asked Xander s he stroked Angel's face, "What's wrong?"  
  
"Spike cast that spell because he found out that I will lose my soul if I have a perfect moment of happiness. He thought that our sleeping together for the first time would make me the most happy I could ever be." As he spoke he saw hurt flicker across Xander's face and correctly guessed the root. Finally he was reading his boy correctly again! "And while it *was* amazing it was also scary as hell." He caressed the child's cheek as he spoke. "I was so afraid that you were right and that it was all a spell. I was so afraid that I would wake up and all these amazing feelings would be gone, or that, *god forbid*, I might hate you." Xander smiled widely, pleased that Angel had been thinking about him. "Claiming you is dangerous with this in mind. If anything can succeed in making me perfectly happy. . . I'm shaking just thinking about marking you. I love you with everything I am and I don't know how to claim you as my own without losing my soul to my bliss."  
  
"Is it bad if that makes me pleased?" asked Xander with a smile, "I can make an ancient and powerful being weak kneed."  
  
Angel simply laughed and leaned forward to kiss Xander. "I'm going to have to do something slightly offensive, I'm going to have to spit your blood. Because there is no way in hell that I can taste you like that and not lose it. Once you've claimed me then it won't matter because the bond between us will protect us from harming the other. But until then I can't do it. You're sure you know what we're getting into?"  
  
"Once we're totally mated, both bitten and decided it's forever, I'll be an immortal human bound to you. It's a purely mental condition so if one of us balks in the first few months it will be broken, but if that doesn't happen it's forever. After that point if one of us leaves we'll both die. And the moment one of us gets off-ed we're both dead. But until that day I'll have vamp like senses and strength and no vampire will be able to turn me. We'll have each other's names written all over our auras. And we'll wake up in each other's arms for the rest of eternity."  
  
"So the Watcher's Guides are pretty comprehensive, huh?" Angel deadpanned. Pulling back Xander's collar the vamp looked for a place to bite. He looked to the shoulders, he could cover an old scar with a new one instead of marring Xander's immaculate neck.  
  
As if reading his mind Xander said, "Make it high and distinctive." Angel gave him a questioning look, "I want one scar on my body that I'm not ashamed of. I want a mark that I don't feel the urge to hide. I want to wear it proudly. I love you."  
  
Saying nothing Angel bite into the junction of his neck and jaw about an inch in front of, and a half an inch below his right ear. The mark was wholly visible and outside of a very high turtleneck, nothing would cover it. Xander gasped and Angel pulled back spitting out a mouthful of blood reluctantly. He couldn't wait for the bond to be finalized and he could savoir that rich coppery, slippery liquid in all its glory. "You ok?" he worried about the boy too much, he knew that, but knowing it and actually stopping are totally different things.  
  
"God yes, don't stop." He moaned. Angel laughed, how could *his* Xander be so innocent and wanton at the same time? "Please don't stop." He was nearly sobbing when Angel went back to suckling the wound.  
  
Angel licked his lips and broke away, Xander gave a soft mew, "Anymore and you'll pass out." Xander pulled Angel's head up and kissed him harshly. He could taste his own blood in the other's mouth and smiled. "Thank you," Angel said, "Now make me sad quick before I break the curse."  
  
"Spike says you ate a baby in the Boxer Rebellion."  
  
Angel just laughed, "That's just funny. I need sad."  
  
Xander taxed his mind but came up with nothing sad. So in stead he said something that he knew wouldn't make Angel happy. "At this very moment Spike is rifling through your stuff looking for things to pawn."  
  
Angel growled. 


	18. 18

Part: (18/?)  
  
Writer: Az K Mello  
  
Summery: Possessions get possessed.  
  
Warning: mega angst. Buffy bashing, don't read it and don't flame. I've warned you, only idiots don't read the liner notes and then bitch.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Spike was dancing with Drusilla when the pair came in. Looking over her shoulder he perused them. "Xander, do up your zipper. And, Gelus, you have a leaf in your hair." Angel reached up to his immaculate hair. The look of horror on Angel's face was great, as though he were witnessing a grisly murder, not that he had been told his hair was ruined. Spike laughed loudly while Xander tried to cover his smirk.  
  
Angel was pissed at having been taken. And Xander quickly headed off whatever the dark vampire was about to say with a comment of his own. He didn't want to witness the start of WW III. "Spike where are we sleeping?"  
  
"Look at the pretty kitten!" said Dru staring at Xander. "But the Angel Beast adopted him from the pound," Xander felt his neck itch under her glare, "and I can't play with him now! Stupid puppy!" If looks could kill Angel would have been dust.  
  
Placing a protective hand on Angel's shoulder the boy said, "No, you're right. You have to protect your *sire's* property. But we can be friends." He spoke softly glancing between his lover and the girl. He thought of her as a girl yet he knew that she could kill him dead in an instant. The ancient man smiled at him sadly and thankfully while Dru just looked lost. "Spike? Bedroom?" he asked again.  
  
"Third door on the landing." He pointed up the metal staircase and to the left. While the main body of the warehouse was open and vast the secondary rooms were small, had once been offices. Spike had converted six upon commandeering the building, he had needed the space for minions but now Dru was well and he really didn't need anyone to stand guard or to use as fodder against Buffy. Xander walked away from the three, a duffle bag over his shoulder. He figured they might need a moment and he wasn't about to invade. Even though he was part of the family now he still felt that if Spike and Dru needed some time with their sire he should damn well stay out of it. It may have been his privilege to be there, it didn't mean that it was the right thing to do.  
  
Watching Xander shut the bedroom door Spike hissed at his sire, "Could you have bitten any deeper? I mean you did it cleanly enough but another forth of an inch and his head would be hanging off."  
  
Rolling his eyes Angel said, "Stop exaggerating. It's not that deep, I got carried away is all. It'll heal nicely, he want a distinctive mark."  
  
"What he *wants* is to know where he belongs. No stupid scar will do that."  
  
"Stop. Preaching. To. Me. *Childe*." His voice was cold with menace, sick of Spike's flippant tone. He was the boy's sire and the lad better remember that, "All fucking night you've been preaching, he's mine he is going to damn well realize that and you are going to treat him with the respect he deserves or I'll make you wish you had bled to death a hundred years ago."  
  
"Daddy?" asked Dru with a small smile.  
  
"And," added Angel ignoring Dru's questioning voice, "I'm not sharing." She looked hurt, he knew she would. "I know that it's never been an issue, You're my childer and I've shared everything with you. But Xander is mine and mine alone. I'll skin either of you if you do anything suspect." He turned and walked up the stairs following Xander's scent to angry at everyone too actually look at where he was going.  
  
"Daddy?" asked Drusilla again.  
  
"No, pet," said Spike sadly, "Just Angel being a cunt." But his eyes didn't look as sure as his voice sounded. 


	19. 19

Part: (19/?)  
  
Writer: Az K Mello  
  
Summery: Possessions get possessed.  
  
Warning: mega angst. Buffy bashing, don't read it and don't flame. I've warned you, only idiots don't read the liner notes and then bitch.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Slamming the door behind him Angel was nearly panting with his anger. He was sick of Spike preaching to him. Sick of Spike being right. He didn't need his fucking childe to tell him how to treat his mate. Xander had wanted the fucking mark. It was none of the idiot blond's business.  
  
Xander knelt up on the bed and studied his lover. Clearly the vampire was unaware that he was growling. He knew that Angel and Spike sometimes had a difficult time getting along but they had seemed ok earlier. It was his fault. He should have considered Dru and Spike before practically begging Angel to mark him. He crawled over the bed and reached out to Angel. The vampire growled more loudly and pushed his human away. For a moment Xander studied the man. There was so much anger in the vampire's stance. There was so much predatorial grace in the way Angel cocked his head. He stood more like a wounded dog than a man. The faint question of Angelus' presence ran through his mind. Was it possible that claiming the boy had finally caught up to Angel? But Xander threw the idea away. This was just a very, very angry Angel. He lent back up to touch his mate again and again he was pushed away harshly.  
  
"Ow, that hurts," he cradled his still wounded shoulder and sat back on his heals. If Angel needed the space that badly then he couldn't deny him it. The boy didn't realize that Angel had stopped growling.  
  
Angel's eyes instantly focused on him. The animalistic rage was gone and all that was left in its place was remorse and fear. He had just harmed his human, breakable lover, "Are you ok? Oh god, baby, did I hurt you? I'm so sorry." Crawling onto the bed he wrapped himself around the boy and made hushing noises. "God. See what you're tying yourself to?"  
  
"*Who*, who I'm tying myself to, not *what*," Xander corrected, "Love you. What happened?"  
  
"Spike and I had a fight."  
  
"And? What was it about?"  
  
Sighing Angel said, "He was right about something I didn't want him to be right about."  
  
Xander laughed, "He's not allowed to be correct about stuff?"  
  
"Not when I'm wrong." Angel's voice was serious and he couldn't understand why the boy was laughing. Xander pulled the vampire's head down to kiss him. He laughed into Angel's mouth. "No, seriously, he was correct about something he's not even allowed to have an opinion about."  
  
"What's that?" asked Xander trying to sound serious.  
  
"You," Angel said as he buried his head in Xander's shoulder. "He's not supposed to realize things about you before I do. It's not fair." Xander almost laughed at the petulant child in his arms but paled when he really thought about it.  
  
"So what pearl of wisdom did Spike tell you about me?" he asked with a coldness that hurt. Spike didn't like him . . . he thought that the vampire and he had been becoming friend-like but instead the vamp was talking about him behind his back.  
  
Sighing Angel was now totally calm from his boy's touch. He had to be honest. If he really wanted Xander than he couldn't hide it from him, "That marking you as mine doesn't mean you actually know that."  
  
"Of course I do," Xander corrected gently.  
  
"Do you? You are the most important person to me. No one else matters but you."  
  
Xander's face broke into a smile so bright Angel nearly squinted. "Really?!"  
  
Angel shook his head slowly. How could Xander not see himself? He was adding Buffy and co onto the list of people he would kill for causing his boy to think so little of himself. "I wouldn't tie myself to you if you weren't as precious to me as . . ." he sighed, angry that he couldn't make himself clear, "the stars and moon. And that mark precludes others from touching you. You're mine. You're all I want. Do you get that? This isn't a little nothing deal. If you left now you would have to be with a human because no demon will have you with that scar screaming that you're mine. I told you that I will always be here, even if you aren't. And if you do go . . . I'll always love you and you will always carry me with you." It was really fucking corny. Christ, he should have grown out of this by now. He ran his finger over the scab. He felt himself shudder as Xander's eyes fluttered shut.  
  
"Wow. I, I love you." Xander laughed at the lameness of his own response after Angel had given, what he perceived as, a very eloquent little statement.  
  
"Please, Xan. I'll give you as long as you need. But promise me that someday you'll mark me?" he begged softly. His every moment was calculated. The boy *would* realize how dear he was. "I know I said that I wouldn't push you. And I won't but please, tell me right now if there is a chance that I'll be yours." Internally Angel was pleased with his actions. He knew that the boy wanted him, and would always want him. He had been so worried about scaring the boy away, had thought that Xander would eventually leave him. But he knew now that Xander had no intention of ever letting him go. He wanted to belong and Angel wanted to have him. Until studying the boy earlier in the night he hadn't realized just how lonely the mortal truly was. He had always known that Xander wasn't the doughnut boy. What he had never understood was that Xander and the rest of them really *did* believe it. How could all of them, and the boy himself, believe him to be so worthless. "I'm jealous of my own mark when I look at your neck. You belong to me and the whole fucking world can see that." He looked up and right into Xan's eyes, "I want to belong to you, to be only yours."  
  
"Angel? Are you still mad at Spike?"  
  
"How can I be when you keep stroking my hair?" asked the man as he nuzzled back into the boy's shoulder. "Why? Did I scare you? I'm sorry I'm just . . ."  
  
"A moody, broody guy?" asked Xander with a laugh, "I'm well aware. No, I wasn't scared, a little worried that Spike would never walk again," He sighed exaggeratedly, "but not scared. I just wanted to make sure you were calm now because I would hate to look back and think that I claimed you when you weren't emotionally capable of making a decision." His mind repeated the sentence and then gave him a pat on his metaphorical back, no need for the book learning.  
  
"What?" Angel smiled. A lot of people didn't believe he had real emotions, brooding, angry brooding, and self-pitying brooding. But then most people weren't Xander. Until his boy came along he had been one of those people.  
  
"I want to have you forever. Keep me safe and I'll keep you sane."  
  
"I wouldn't ask that much from you," Angel laughed. "Just having you by my side will keep me from ending up like Dru but . . ."  
  
"You're already slightly mad? I know, honey. Only you could have conversations with yourself while doing your hair and staring at a mirror that you can't see yourself in."  
  
"I wasn't talking to myself! I was instructing my hair! . . . I shouldn't admit that."  
  
Smirking Xander turned on Angel's lap and placed his mouth over flesh and waited for his lover to react. The vampire smiled but moved Xander's head down slightly and to the left. Xander ran his tongue over the scar, the mark of Darla. His mark was going over Darla's? Thus eradicating any claim she had on him? A sire's mark is sacred. "Are you sure?" he asked softly. He didn't want to take the mark away if Angel was only doing it to please him.  
  
"Wanna be your, no one else's." Xander smiled and kissed Angel's throat gently. "It won't turn you," Angel promised softly as he felt Xander tense, "You said it earlier, it's a mental connection based on want and intent, I don't want you to be turned so you won't be. You'll just become eternal. Not at once mind you, it'll take a few months for it to get established, and even then it only becomes permanent if the PTB accepts that we won't hurt each other."  
  
"I know, I'm just . . . savoring." Xander bit down hard and ripped Angel's flesh cleanly apart. The mark of Angel's turning was now gone and in it's place was a wound that could never fade. The boy lapped at the blood, it's rich flavor barely resembled blood but for it's coppery taste. It was fire, and expensive wine, power, nectar of the fucking gods.  
  
Angel felt like he had finally come home. 


	20. 20

Part: (20/?)  
  
Writer: Az K Mello  
  
Summery: things get taken.  
  
Warning: mega angst. Buffy bashing, don't read it and don't flame. I've warned you, only idiots don't read the liner notes and then bitch.

* * *

Xander smiled at the needy way Angel held him. He felt like he truly belonged somewhere for the first time in his life. "Want you," whispered the vampire, "Have me, Xander." For a moment Xander went still and bit into his lip, before he could speak Angel laughed, "Selfish bottom." Unwittingly the vampire had managed to say the most perfect thing at the best possible moment.  
  
Because then, instead of freaking out Xander laughed, "No, well maybe. But that's not it. . . it's just. . ." He smiled bashfully at Angel, "Until last night I'd never been with a man." He saw the smile on Angel's face that said, "aww, it's that cute?". Blushing he looked down at his hands, "Or anyone in fact. I might fuck up and hurt you. Or worse, make an ass out of myself."  
  
"That would be worse than hurting me?" Angel asked with a crooked smile.  
  
"You're immortal, you'll heal. I, on the other hand, have the ego of a teenage boy."  
  
Angel laughed as he kissed his lover's forehead and pulled the boy on top of his body as he laid back. "You won't hurt me, I'll be with you every step of the way. And besides, I like a little pain: vampire." Xander just laughed and leaned into Angel's kiss.

* * *

Panting, Angel fell back against the bed and pulled Xander with him. "My god."  
  
"I'm taking that as a compliment," Xander laughed.  
  
"Xander?" asked Angel suddenly. "Why didn't you tell me?"  
  
The boy studied his mate for a moment before saying, "I didn't want to make things weirder than they already were. It was hard enough without me playing the blushing innocent. Besides, I'd already bared everything to you and I was so scared it was a spell. I wanted to have one thing that, come the morning, you couldn't use against me."  
  
Nodding Angel said, "I get it." He sighed as he pulled his fingers through Xander's hair. "I would have liked to have done something special though."  
  
"It was special," said Xander. Angel's look of confusion made him smile, "It was with you. It was perfect."  
  
"Yeah but." Angel just sighed again, "I don't know, there should have been poetry and candles or something."  
  
Laughing softly Xander said, "I've never been good with candles: I generally burn myself. And poetry goes right over my head, I've never been smart like that," he saw Angel open his mouth to argue. "Hey! I'll write you a poem!" He leaned up on his elbows and surveyed his lover. "I know a guy called Angel," he paused trying to think of the next line, "Nothing rhymes with Angel, it's like orange." Angel just laughed. "Moving right along," Xander said with a happy laugh. "New poem, I'm in love with a man. He's no Tom, Dick, or Sam. He doesn't tan. He has a great can," Angel sealed the boy's mouth with a kiss. Xander could see the sky through the high window, it was broad daylight. daylight. "It's Sunday. I have to go to school tomorrow. Am I a wuss if I'm scared?" 


	21. 21

Part: (21/?)

Writer: Az K Mello

Summery: Spike casts a spell on Angel to make him lose his soul. Things don't go as planned and instead Angel just opens up about his feelings towards Xander.

This chapter: Any one up for some kitten gambling?

Warning: mega angst. Buffy bashing, don't read it and don't flame. I've warned you, only idiots don't read the liner notes and then bitch.

* * *

Waking up alone Xander felt slightly hurt at not finding Angel next to him. But suddenly he felt waves of love pass through him. He felt ghost kisses down his back. The bond between Angel and him sung and comforted him. He sank back into the pillows and just let it run over his body. After a moment he stood and stretched feeling sore in all the best ways. He could sense that Angel was with Dru and wasn't happy. He felt sadness that didn't actually belong to him, it was an odd sensation. Dressing quickly he wanted to go downstairs and see if anything could be done to make his lover more comfortable. His lover. Mate. Husband. He pressed against the bond and tried to send happy vibes to Angel.

The vampire watched as his lover alit the stairs. "Have I told you how lucky I am today?" he asked the boy who was framed in harsh light from the industrial lights hanging from the ceiling of the warehouse.

Shaking his head Xander just smiled, "I've only been awake for three minutes."

Smiling Angel said softly, "Love you."

A gagging noise caught Xander's attention and he looked over to see Spike pulling on his boots by the doorway. Drusilla was watching Spike with angry eyes and purposefully ignoring her sire. Feeling the hurt pouring off his lover Xander was driven to semi crazy actions. "Drusilla?"

She looked at him for the first time. Then she looked back and forth. Finally she turned to Spike and said, "The kitten claimed the stupid puppy! Now I'll never get the kitten to myself!"

Spike looked up at Xander, "Oh," he said softly and he went back to tying his boots.

"What, Spike?" Angel sounded mightily put out as he addressed his childe.

"You're in the second stage already." Angel looked at his childe with a little more interest. "Xander, do you feel the poof in your head?"

"Yeah." Xander sounded confused, as though he had always been able to feel Angel's emotions. Because it didn't feel weird: it felt like being complete.

"This shouldn't be happening," said Angel softly as he realized what his childe was getting at. It hadn't occurred to him to think it odd when he had sensed Xander waking up. It had just seemed so normal when he had felt Xander stretching; as though it were his body that was moving. "This shouldn't be happening for months."

Spike studied them both for a moment as the pair gazed at each other. He quietly crossed the room and pinched Angel's arm hard. Angel just looked at his with a raised eyebrow but Xander let out a surprised yelp, "Defiantly stage two: you can hear each other's minds and you can feel the other's pain. Well that _is_ a turn up for the books."

"Uh-huh," said Xander sounding slightly confused, "Well, as much as I'm enjoying this stimulating conversation on physiology that I can add nothing to, I'm bored." Angel looked at him with slightly confused eyes until Xander spoke again, "Drusilla? Spike and I are going out for a little while. You want to be my friend?" The vampire nodded quickly. "Then keep my Angel company. Be nice to him, I don't want him to be lonely while I'm out." She gave him a slightly dirty look but nodded none the less.

"Wait a mo! Who said you could come? I'm going to a very important poker game of kitten gambling, you can't come. Very important demons will be there. How does it look if the master of the Hellmouth turns up with his sire's pet?" said Spike angrily but instantly stopped when not one but three angry sets of eyes glared at him. "Well 'm not going not with 'im if he insists on wearing that clobber. It looks like a baby sicked up on that shirt."

Xander looked down at his shirt. He felt the eyes watching him and felt instantly embarrassed. The vampires were all so perfectly attired. The all looked as though they had wandered out of a tailor's shop and then lived in the clothes until they hung off their bodies perfectly. Feeling hyperaware he studied his shirt. He liked it. He had actually thought it looked good on him. He thought he looked almost presentable. All of his clothes had come from Wal-Mart, or the Salvation Army, or passed down from a cousin he'd met only once. He wondered what Angel was thinking he could feel Angel's eyes on him, burning him. And though he could sense Angel through the bond he didn't really know what Angel was truly thinking. After all he could send happy vibes to the vampire it didn't mean he was. "I'll go change."

He sensed rather than saw his sire cross the room and he wasn't shocked when he felt himself being hit hard around the head and he didn't miss a beat when he said, "I'm sorry, Sire. I just meant to wind up the boy. It wasn't meant to really make him upset. No one takes me seriously. I expected him to throw something at me or tell me I needed to change me face before we left!"

Sighing Angel knew that his childe was telling the truth. Spike would never be mean to someone he considered blood and Xander was most defiantly in that set. But Spike was really just a big brother who couldn't ever resist an opportunity to niggle anyone. With the slow patience of a longsuffering dad he said, "Imagine that you're a teenage boy and you've been indoctrinated into believing that vampires are all pure evil and that liking a guy is a bad thing and then in a 48 hour span suddenly moving in with your lover and his vampiric childer both of whom have tried to kill you. And then one of them says you're somehow lacking." Without waiting for a reply he turned and walked up the stairs. Even though he knew that his childe hadn't intentionally hurt Xander he was still angry with him. As he walked into the bedroom he saw Xander's naked back. "Damn it, I wanted to see you undress!"

Xander laughed softly without turning around, "I could put the shirt back on and take it off for you," he offered.

"No," said Angel as he walked up behind the boy and wrapped his arms around Xander's waist. "If you did that I wouldn't be able to do this," he licked a line from the boy's shoulder to just behind his ear. "Put your shirt back on and come downstairs."

"Spike said I had to change. It's an ugly shirt anyway."

"You like it."

The material was worn and soft. Xander _did_ like the shirt and had worn it so many times that it was starting to go thin. "Yeah, but I'm not blind. I know it's ugly."

"It looks fine. It suits you. You like your slightly garish shirts. They make you look cute. Kind of awkward and innocent. Spike was joking. He likes annoying people. He didn't expect you to be upset or to really change. He's a tease. The number of times I've ended out with them both in my bed because Spike had told some horrible story just to scare Dru is uncountable. And he's especially bad right now as he isn't allowed to kill anyone."

Xander searched through his bag looking for something to wear. Highly critical he thought all of his shirts were hideous and he wondered how he'd ever worn any of them. Angel's hands came to rest on Xander's shoulders. "Xan, wear whatever you like, you're just going out with Spike."

"To a card game where he's representing Sunnydale." Xander knew a little bit about kitten gambling. He knew it was a rather aristocratic game. He knew that if Spike said he was going as "the master of Sunnydale" then it wasn't some game in the back room of a bar. This was the cream of the crop, probably some diplomatic game. And as Spike said, Xander was Angel's pet. He didn't want his appearance to reflect badly on Angel.

"What?" Angel said slowly, "You're worried about making Spike look bad?"

"No, Angel, I don't want to make _you_ look bad. If there really are important people there I don't want them to see me and think less of you. To think you don't look after your pets."

Sighing Angel tightened his hold on the boy. "You aren't my pet and I don't care what they think of us. Neither should you. You're worth isn't based on what they think of you or what you're wearing. Besides when you walk in there they'll all be so jealous that you're off limits that they won't think about your clothes."

Xander gave up on looking for a nice shirt. He could feel the muscles in his shoulder twitching. It didn't matter what he wore, he would always look clumsy and garish next to the vampires. He knew that he wasn't really looking for a shirt he was looking for some comfort. And then he saw the shirt Angel had been wearing the day before. A black tee shirt. He picked it up off the floor and asked, "Can I wear this?"

"If you like," said Angel with a small smile. He let go of the boy long enough so that Xander could don the shirt and then Angel was holding him again and breathing unneeded breaths, "God, you smell good."

Xander had picked the shirt because it smelled of Angel. He was a little nervous about going to the poker game but the scent of his mate made him instantly more calm. "I smell of you!" he laughed.

"No you smell of us." Angel's eyes fluttered shut. "Don't go with Spike stay here with me?"

"You need to talk to Dru, that won't happen while we're here," said Xander softly.

Surprised, Angel opened his eyes, "That's why you're going? I thought you were really bored."

"Yeah, 'cause it's so easy to get bored in a warehouse with three vampires." Angel laughed. "You need with Drusilla to talk. . . or whatever."

Angel turned the boy around so he was looking Xander in the eye when he said emphatically, "I'm not going to sleep with her."

"I wouldn't be angry, Angel, I know that sex is important with vampires and their families. I wouldn't be mad at you." He was proud that he managed to keep his words even. He wouldn't be mad but he would be hurt.

"You're the one I want, Xander, only you." He kissed Xander slowly practically worshipping the boy's mouth. He felt Xander tremble. "It's ok to be scared, Xan."

"Of what?" asked the boy, he sounded like he wanted Angel to tell him what he was afraid of because he couldn't figure it out himself.

"Everything's going really fast," said Angel, "And it's easy to get caught up in it. But you're my mate. I love you. You're the most important person in my world. You aren't my pet, you're my mate. It might get a bit hairy but I'll be right here." Xander nodded but said nothing, "You'll be safe at the card game Spike won't let anyone hurt you. You might even have a good time. Thank you for helping me with Dru but if you're having a bad time don't hesitate to come back here." The vampire smiled then, "Don't stay out too late, you have school in the morning."

Spike stood outside earwiging, listening to their conversation. He felt badly for calling Xander Angel's pet; it had been a low blow. Xander was family and Spike didn't want to hurt his family. He would have to make amends for him his action.


	22. 22

Part: (22?)

Writer: Az K Mello

Summery: Spike casts a spell on Angel to make him lose his soul. Things don't go as planned and instead Angel just opens up about his feelings towards Xander.

This chapter: Spike and Xander talk.

Feedback: will get you a tea party

Warning: slash

* * *

Spike watched the boy carefully as they drove. He could see the tension in the boy's shoulders and felt guilty for being the source. He loved upsetting people but he didn't want to hurt family. "I'm glad you're coming," he said softly. "These political games can get boring. You know how the night will go before it even starts. So you'll liven things up a bit. Each kitten is worth 300 hundred dollars. Each chip is for a 25th of a kitten (twelve dollars). This is an invitational only game, so there are going to be a lot of very powerful demons there. I want you next to me."

"But if it's invitees only am I allowed to be there?" asked Xander anxiously.

The blond couldn't help but laugh, "Xander, you're Angelus' mate. No one is going to argue with your being there. Everyone there is frightened of him. And then they'll see you and realize that you're human. So they'll think that you're either extremely powerful in someway or that he's completely in love with you so they won't make a move against you because one way you'll kill them and the other Angel will. You're above all of them in the pecking order. You're above me for goodness sakes and I'm the master of this town. You're my sire's mate so even I am below you, you are the most politically powerful person there tonight. And if there is a brawl you'll be able to easily hold your own. I don't understand how it's happened but you and he are moving through the stages of a bonding very quickly and I'm sure that if you were to fight someone right now you would have vampiric strength. Besides you've been patrolling with the slayer for long enough to win against any of these old gits, none of them have been in a knock down in years. But I don't want there to be a punch up on my front lawn, so stay close. And if you get bored and want to leave just make out that Angel's asked you to come home through your link. It'll freak 'em out."

Xander laughed, "Thanks for letting me tag along."

"Don't mention it," said Spike throwing his cigarette out the window. "I was surprised you wanted to come."

"Angel and Dru need some time alone."

Smirking Spike said, "And you're ok with that?"

"They aren't having sex," said Xander softly.

"No you're right. They're fucking." Spike laughed and then he said incredulously, "Wait, did you make him promise he wouldn't?"

"No," Xander shook his head and felt rather proud of himself. "I told him that it was ok if they did. I mean he's her sire, she's his responsibility and if that's what they need to be friends again I can't really argue."

"You wouldn't be upset?"

Xander thought about it truthfully. "I would be more upset if I was the cause for family troubles. I don't like the idea of them being together. But I knew what I was doing when I tied myself to Angel. I know about sires and childer. I understand that. And if it was something I couldn't deal with I wouldn't be here. But he said he wouldn't. I told him he could but he said he wouldn't." He saw Spike's smirk and said, "Ten bucks says that when we get back they will not have slept together."

"The night's winnings."

"I'm not gonna play. Just watch."

"No, you are. This is your "welcome to the family" night. My treat. So any winnings go to you if they've not shagged themselves rotten by the time we get home." Spike smiled, "Now, let's go get pizza."

* * *

Dru was ignoring him. He was slightly desperate to have her like him again. It had been so long since she had called him sire and enjoyed his presence. He couldn't treat her the way Angelus did. All he had done back then was abuse her. He loved her but he broke her into tiny pieces in the meanwhile. The soul inside of him wasn't willing to do that. He used to degrade her and worship her in equal measures and now he couldn't hurt her. And he knew that, for Dru, being hurt was as important as being comforted.

"I'm sorry, Princess," he said finally, "I'm not Angelus. But I am still your sire. I still love you. If I hurt you Xander will be sad. Do you want Xander to be hurt?"

* * *

Xander felt strangely out of his depths with the vampire. He understood that he was officially Spike's superior but he still felt stupid when faced with the vampire's company. The blond was educated, and had seen the world, and how could he possibly want to spend time with a seventeen year old? But as they walked into the slightly up market pizzeria he slid into the same side of the booth as Xander sat in.

He asked about what Xander would do in school and seemed genuinely interested in the boy's response. A waiter came over to take their order but got nervous when they requested for a pizza without garlic.

"The last time someone ordered a pizza without garlic we were six people short the next day."

"It's not like that," said Xander understanding the boy's concern. "Will's really allergic to garlic. We're going to a poker game and I don't want him puking on my shoes."

The boy studied them. He knew Xander from around school. Xander was friends with that Buffy girl who always seemed to be in the middle of all of the "garlic" related incidences. But she also seemed to always be in the right. "Ok, let me see what I can do."

Spike smiled at Xander, "allergic?"

"What? Would you have liked me to say you were a "good" guy? You aren't. Or I could have said, "It's ok his sire won't let him eat anyone," that woulda worked."

"I'm a good guy!" argued Spike with no conviction or even much interest. He wanted to tease Xander, "Why are you friends with a nongood guy?"

Xander sighed and said slowly, "Because I'm your sire and I have to love you."

The vampire nearly swallowed his own tongue. And the boy grinned widly at his reaction. Xander wasn't supposed to know that! Spike had been comfortable believing that Xander didn't know about that rule. A mate owns everything his lover owns, he has every title his lover has. But Spike didn't expect Xander to know about that. "You're not my sire!" the young vampire bluffed. And again the boy just smiled.

"Spike you have no idea how thorough the Watcher journals have been." He petted his childe's arm, "Be good and don't try to bluff your sire, boy."

Spike smiled, it was too ridiculous not to, "Christ, I glad he loves you. That it was you." Seeing Xander's confusion he explicated his words, "Can you imagine what I would do if that hideous bitch slayer was my sire?" Xander laughed feeling a lot more confident and comfortable. "I think I would have to kill meself and her. To have her in the family for the rest of eternity would be hell." The pizza came and Spike took a huge bite of a slice he saw Xander studying him, "What?"

"I wasn't sure if you could eat. Angel never has."

"Angel is a self flogging fool at times. He doesn't allow himself to eat. I guess he is too busy brooding."

"But you can do it?" Xander asked for clarification. "Do you enjoy it?"

"I love food. I mean, I don't need it, it doesn't do anything to me, but I like it."

Silence greeted his statement and then Xander said with resolve, "I'll make sure he starts eating. I'm not letting him wallow. He had enough time to hate himself."

"I'm so glad it was you," he waved for the check. "So, sire, are you paying for me?"


	23. 23

Part: (23?)

Writer: Az K Mello

Summery: Spike casts a spell on Angel to make him lose his soul. Things don't go as planned and instead Angel just opens up about his feelings towards Xander.

This chapter: The bet.

Feedback: is adored

* * *

The demons were instantly frightened of him. The moment a human walked in with the master _behind_ him they were scared. When Spike called him sire they were horrified. When he was introduced as Angelus' mate they were shaken. And when he beat the pants off of everyone in the first round they were confused. He was warm to everyone. And when he casually mentioned that the last time he'd played poker it had been for cookies that the slayer's mother had baked Lord Trophosithe swallowed one of his eight tongues.

A painfully stupid fledge tried to go for Xander. He thought that if he killed Angelus' mate it would move him up in the ranks. Before Spike could even shout a warning to Xander the bow had thrown a stake into the vamps heart. Without a pause the human turned to a morinish demon and said, "You have to be bluffing," and put eight chips into the middle of the table.

The rest of the night was uneventful and pleasant. But at about two AM Xander announced that Angel had just called for him through their bond. Really the boy was just tired. The last game commenced in an interesting fashion. Spike had forgotten to tell Xander that the master of the town was supposed to win the last game. The others dropped out quickly but Xander just kept pushing up the stakes. It was funny as they were both playing with Spike's money. The collected demons waited in silent anticipation to see if the slight human would actually win against the master. As it turned out Xander had a pair of threes and Spike cleaned the floor with him. Xander sat pouting as the demons exchanged the owed kittens; no one played for owesies at diplomatic games. Collectively Spike and Xander had a profit of forty kittens.

As they climbed into the car Spike said, "If you win the bet I'll give you the money. All 12,000 bucks."

"Maybe we should call off the bet. He already told me he wouldn't sleep with her and it's all your money to begin with," Xander smiled slightly, "I had a good time."

"The bet's still on. Stop poncing about," said Spike as he drove.

After a period of silence Xander asked, "Are you and Dru mated?"

Spike laughed softly, bitterly, "No, I'm not her daddy. Angelus was the only vamp she would have bound herself to."

"I shouldn't have asked. I have a way of putting my foot in it. I pry too much." Xander sounded genuinely contrite.

"Don't worry, pet, I don't. Dru and I aren't mated but we'll be together 'til the end of time."

Xander smiled and as they pulled up to the warehouse a few minutes later he said, "You're sure about this bet?"

"Positive, I've always been a betting man." Spike parked the car and grabbed one of the boxes of tiny cats. Xander grabbed the other and walked besides his childe. When they opened the door they were greeted with a domestic sight. Dru was brushing her dolly's hair and telling Angel about her travels with Spike while her sire listened attentively and braided her hair. Spike shook his head in disbelief, put down the box, and speeded upstairs. When he returned moments later he handed Xander a heavy bag, "Don't spend it all in one place," he said and went to take Dru to bed.

"I want to go out. The stars are singing all happy. I want to dance with them."

"You're not well, my love," Spike said softly.

"I am. All whole. I don't need the prince to protect me. I'm going to dance with the moon."

Sighing Spike said, "Alright. Come up to bed when you're ready. Don't hunt or touch the humans." He sulked off up the stairs and Angel watched Drusilla practically prance out of the warehouse.

"Was the game fun?" he asked Xander once they were alone. He stood up from the couch and stretched.

"Yeah, it was good. Things went well with Dru?"

"I think so. Did you play at all?"

"Yep."

"Do you owe Spike a lot?"

"No I made 12,000 dollars."

"Wow."

"Come up to bed with me," begged the human softly.

* * *

He woke in the dark. He showered, dressed, and ate alone. With gentle hands he woke his lover. "I have to go to school. I'll be home soon."

Angel pulled him down close and said, "Steer clear of the slayer."

"I will."

"And you'll visit Giles?"

"I won't forget."

"Be careful, I don't want you to get hurt."

"I'll be careful. I have to go." Spike walked in looking put out. "Sorry. Am I being loud?" asked the boy.

"She didn't come home."

"What?"

"She never came back last night."

"She does this sometimes," the older vamp said soothingly. "It's been a long time since she went out alone. She must have lost track of time and got held up somewhere. She'll be back at sunset."

"What if she's hurt?"

"She isn't," Angel looked worried even as he said it, "She had to be allowed to go. We couldn't protect her from everything. She needed to go out last night. She hasn't been able to go out by herself for over a year. She's fine."

"What if she isn't?"

"We'll look for her right after dark," promised Xander.

Spike focused on him, "You should go to school, sire."

"I'll stay here."

"No," Spike sighed, "go to school. Nothing will happen while it's light. Go," but as the boy went to pass him the young vampire grabbed him. Acting purely on instinct Xander pulled him close and stroked the back of Spike's head.

"My dove," whispered Xander, "I'll be home soon."

"What did you call me?" asked Spike.

"Um. . . my dove? Yeah, I don't know," Xander shrugged.

Angel sighed and Spike said, "Bugger, you really are mated." He pulled back and straightened Xander's collar. "School."

"I'll be home soon. I'm just going to talk to Giles and then I'll come home. Ok? I won't be long."

"We're not going anywhere," said Angel with a half smirk.

* * *

The halls were packed by the time Xander got there. Buffy cornered him instantly. He flinched back: afraid that she would attack him and that he would win. He didn't want to hurt her. "Look," she said, "I don't want us to fight. You're my friend and I can understand why you're with him. I don't hate you for it; I would have done the same."

He smiled widely, "So we can move on?"

"Yeah. I can't forgive Angel though. He should have told me about how he felt."

"He didn't want to hurt you."

"That's no excuse. He did hurt me."

"He didn't mean to. I'm sorry, Buff, I wish it wasn't this way."

"It's not your fault. I don't blame you, you're my friend."

"Thank you."

"I found a little comfort in a small revenge last night anyway."

"What did you do?" he almost laughed, waiting for her to explain that she's dyed Angel's shampoo green.

"Remember the vamp I thought Angel was having an affair with? I slayed her. I mean, I know he wasn't having an affair, but it was still satisfying."

The colour drained from his face, "Tell me that's a joke."

"Well it sort of was because it was so easy. She was alone. Easy pickings. I took her on in the back left corner of the Bronze's parking lot she was cornered. Why?"

"She was easy because she wasn't very well. She was alone because she wanted some space. And I was hoping it was a joke because Angel and Spike will kill you."

"What? Angel and Spike?"

"Drusilla, the woman, and Spike are Angel's childer. They've both sworn off human blood so that Angel would take them back. He healed Dru and she wanted to go for a walk. You killed his childe. They're going to kill you and I'm not going to stop them." Tears slid silently down he face. The blood returned to his eyes and he looked like some mutant panda. His face was so pale and his eyes were so dark. "You didn't do it because she was a threat: you did it out of spite. If you had done it for duty you could have maybe gotten away with it." He pushed past her. She stood mute as he walked quickly to the library. "Giles?" he called, "are you here?"

"Xander? What's wrong?"

"Can you take me home? I _need_ to get back to Angel. Please."

Looking at the panicked youth Giles just nodded. He knew the difference between Xander's over reactions and true fear. "Will you explain on the way?" he asked as he grabbed his keys. He wrote a note quickly and taped it to the door. "Family emergency. Back in an hour." He took Xander by the arm as the boy was looking slightly glazed. "You can give me direction."

"Yes, on both counts."


	24. 24

Part: (24?)

Writer: Azure K Mello

Summery: Spike casts a spell on Angel to make him lose his soul. Things don't go as planned and instead Angel just opens up about his feelings towards Xander.

This chapter: Giles talks.

Feedback: is adored slash

* * *

"What's going on, Xander? I thought you hated him." asked Giles as he drove.

"No, never did. Always wanted him. The spell Spike cast was just one to make him honest about his true love. It made me so angry, I thought it was all fake, it hurt so bad to hear him say all the things I wanted to hear. And he forced me to be honest. He made me tell him why I wouldn't sleep with him if it was the supposed cure. And I told him that he hated me in real-non-spelled-life and that it was the equivalent to rape. And he asked why I cared about raping him and I told him everything. Told him I'd wanted to be with him since we'd met and then Spike told me what the spell really did and I was scared that he was lying. But we slept together because I knew that the spell needed to end and I was scared shitless. And it turned out that Spike was telling the truth."

"Why would Spike cast that spell?" asked Giles wanting to fully understand everything and keep the boy from thinking about Drusilla.

"He thought that if Angel had a moment of "pure happiness" he would lose his soul. He wanted his sire to give a fuck about him and he thought that the only way it would happen was through soul loss-age. But of course Angel's always loved his childer. So he chastised Spike and that was the end of it."

"Spike wanted him to lose his soul? Why didn't he?"

"I was so scared and it made him worry. He was too concerned for it to be perfect, we were both scared shitless. And after the whole 'celibate' thing was over it wasn't desperate enough to be perfect. So no worry there." He blushed slightly thinking about what he was telling Giles, he'd never told anyone about being gay before. Willow must have known deep down but that was different. "So anyway," he was still blushing, "he put a claim mark on me to protect me around Dru because she's kind of crazy and he wanted to make sure she wouldn't touch me. And I love him so much and it's scary how much he loves me. It's amazing."

"You claimed him too? I can feel it in your aura."

"Are you angry at me? I'm finally happy so even if your angry I can't apologize."

"I can't be angry at you for loving him. You deserve happiness. I can't begrudge you any of this and I can't say you're foolish. He protects his family, he'll keep you happy. But, Xander, isn't he too serious?"

"I'm not stupid, Giles, I can hold sentient conversations. He's serious, he's interesting, he's fun, he loves me."

"I don't think you're stupid, Xander, I know you're bright. I just think he's dull for you. He's an adult."

"No he's not. He likes cartoons and Barry Manalow. He thinks I'm funny and clever. He's not a grown up. He's just ancient."

"I just want to make sure you're happy and you know what you're doing."

"I know exactly what I'm doing and who I've tied myself to. He's all I've ever wanted and I'm happy. This is good. He's my mate. And now I have a family of him and Spike and. . . Buffy killed Drusilla."

"Well then I'm happy for you. So he's Drusilla and Spike's sire?"

"Yeah. So now I am too."

"I'm so sorry about Dru."

"Thank you." They pulled up outside the warehouse and Xander said, "You shouldn't come in. If you want Buffy to live I would get her out of the country before sunset."

"When slayer's become reckless and vengeful she's bound to die."

"Are you not telling her to leave?" Xander was shocked.

"I'm not sure," Giles admitted.

Xander got out of the car and shut the door, "I might never see you again, I don't know what's going to happen tonight. Thank you for your kindnesses. Thank you for everything." If he'd been in his right mind he would have hugged Giles but as things stood he just turned and walked in feeling half lost.

Inside he shed his shoes and dropped his jacket onto a chair. In his bedroom he saw Spike curled up against Angel. Angel just looked at him waiting. "Angel, she's dead. I'm so sorry," he said quietly knowing that nothing could ease the pain of Angel's loss or soften the blow of the news. Spike let out a painfully loud keening noise and Angel said nothing but just held Spike close. Xander crawled into bed to wrap his arms around the two men. He felt the pain, Angel's, his own, and more distantly, Spike's. They clung to each other until Spike passed out.

And then Angel stroked Xander's face and asked, "How are you?"

"I. . . barely knew her. I barely got to know her." Angel just nodded cupping the boy's cheek, "But I nearly killed Buffy right there in the hallway as she gloated about murdering her."

"Buffy?" asked Angel slowly.

Xander nodded, "She said it was petty revenge against you. She thought you'd slept with Dru at some point. She did it out of spite. She said that she wanted to be my friend but that she was angry at you. So she killed Dru. What are we going to do, Angel. She killed Dru."

"What will you be able to live with doing?" asked Angel softly.

"I can't kill her," Xander said softly. "I want to. . . but I remember her as my best friend and I can't do it. I want to."

"You want her dead?" asked Angel.

"I want her to pay ten fold."

"So Spike and I will do this, you don't even need to watch, you curl up and get so sleep. We'll make her pay and you won't have it on your soul."

"But it will be on yours," Xander argued.

"No, it would weigh me down if I didn't kill the thing that took my daughter." He pulled Xander closer still so that the boy was half laying on top of Spike and resting against Angel, "Get some rest now."

They both fell into light sleep, light enough to both comfort Spike's every whimper. They only had one childe left between them.


	25. 25

Part: (25?)

Writer: Azure K Mello

Summery: Spike casts a spell on Angel to make him lose his soul. Things don't go as planned and instead Angel just opens up about his feelings towards Xander.

This chapter: Buffy dies Xander receives a gift.

Feedback: is adored

* * *

They woke at sunset. Xander was up first, stretching as the vampires blinked at him owlishly. Placing gentle kisses on two foreheads he said, "It's time to get up." 

"We can get her back," Spike said, "I had a dream."

"A vision?" asked Angel gently stroking the childe's forehead.

"No a memory. There's a lawyer. I killed 36 people for him two years ago, his wife's side of the family. He owes me. He works at a very evil, powerful law firm. There's a ritual. It kills lots of fledges to bring her back as a human."

"So what about the slayer?" asked Xander. He couldn't say her name; his best friend wouldn't have dusted Dru out of pettiness. "If this is reversible do you still want to kill her?"

"Yes," answered the vampires in unison. "She's a threat," expounded Angel, "This won't be vengeance. It'll be quick."

"Speak for yourself," said Spike but Angel sent him a vicious look and Spike sighed, "Fine, only a few broken fingers."

"I'm gonna go to the Bronze and get Dru's ashes. They might be useful in the ritual thing, even if they're not. . . I hate the idea of them just sitting in the Bronze's parking lot."

Spike looked at the boy, knowing Angel had forbidden him from touching Xander but he didn't know what to do. He felt his sire touch on his thigh and knew he was being given permission. Surging out of bed he threw his arms around Xander and said, "Thank you, sire."

"Don't thank me yet," said Xander as he kissed Spike's mouth softly, chastely. When Spike pulled away Xander struggled to pull his shirt over his sore shoulder. It had become slightly swollen during the healing process.

"Let me?" asked Spike. He knew it was insolent to offer help to his sire. He knew he was suggesting Xander was weak but the boy couldn't get the shirt on. Xander smiled wanly and handed the offending article of clothing to his childe. "Thank you," Spike said again, knowing that if he'd made the offer to Angelus the vampire would have skinned him before accepting help. He slid the material into place with careful movements and then buttoned it up the front. The room was silent and the young vampire didn't like it, anything was better than tenseness so, in a teasing voice he said, "It's hideous."

Xander looked at the shirt, lime green with electric green swirls and said, "I like it. And that's all that really matters, _childe_." He laughed.

"You'll stand out in the dark, you might glow," Spike pointed out.

And Xander said, "Let's hope, then I can use all my neat new powers to kill stuff." He tapped the end of Spike's nose with a single finger saying, "Be good, have fun killing the slayer." He turned to kiss Angel who'd gotten out of bed to dress and said, "Watch yourselves."

"And you," said Angel resting his forehead against the boy's. He morphed into his real face and Xander smiled again and kissed his slowly. He turned away and left the two vampires alone.

When they heard the warehouse door shut Spike said, "Is he really alight?"

"We're killing his best friend in cold blood to eradicate a threat."

"Yeah, but we're goin' gentle on the bitch."

Angel sighed, "About that. . . let's break all her fingers."

"Agreed," Spike said firmly and then asked, "can we stake her?"

"Seems merciful enough to me."

"With a railroad spike and a stake?"

"That seems a bit much. Giles will be upset. I don't want Xander to lose him forever. The spike will have to do. Have one handy?"

"Bedside table."

"Wonderful. Let's go."

* * *

The pile was pathetic. A few inches high. A princess in ashes. He knelt down and started to gently sweep them with his hand into a jar he'd brought. The wind blew and he caught a face full. It smelled of her perfume and he thought disgustedly, "You're breathing in your childe," and then sneezed. When he opened his eyes he thought, "Fuck me," and closed them again. 

The stars were huge and screaming at him. They danced in the sky. And kept saying, "You're so loved. You're so perfect. Come dance with us, Xander, you're effulgent." He finished scooping up her ashes and hurried home. Most of the way, he kept his eyes shut. He touched the buildings and they would give him directions. They would also tell him their whole history. He saw births, deaths, sex, murder, love. And it was all too beautiful and loud. But when he opened his eyes it worse because everything shone too brightly; it hurt.

When he got to the warehouse he fled upstairs and fell on the bed still wearing shoes. It was gentle and soft. He could hear the minions who'd slept there they were almost mindless and blessedly quiet. It smelled of Angel and he could feel the love encasing him as the bed itself whispered, "You're always welcome inside of me." Sleep overtook him. He dreamt.

* * *

Across town Angel halted and said, "Finish this." 

Put out Spike said, "I know we said merciful but it's barely been ten minutes. Only eight of her fingers are broken. And she won't scream."

Reaching over, Angel caused a snapping noise and said, "Satisfied? Xander's in trouble hurry up."

"Sorry, love, don't mean to slight you but-" he twisted the spike that was already in her chest. She made a final whimpering sound and stopped breathing, "let's go."

* * *

Within five minutes they were running into the warehouse. Angel took the stairs three at a time and was in their room with speed imperceptible to the human eye. "Xan?" 

"Angel?" asked the boy groggily. "Is it you?"

"Look at me," commanded the vampire but Xander was scared to. He didn't want to see Angel with these scary eyes.

Not looking up, not opening his eyes Xander said, "Drusilla gave me her gift."

"I need you to look at me, Xander," Angel said softly trying to sound calm and unshaken. He didn't touch the boy he knew, from experience with Drusilla, that unexpected touch would not be welcome.

Xander shook his head, "I'm too scared to see you. Everything is majorly wigging to look at."

"What do I have to do to get you to open your eyes?" Angel asked softly.

Reaching blindly Xander said, "Take my hand. It'll get me ready."

"I'm covered in slayer blood, Xand."

"Spike says it's an aphrodisiac," Xander said still reaching for his mate.

"He told you that?"

"No, he told Dru that." When he touched Angel he heard nothing more than what he normally heard through the bond. He did however, see the vampires killing Buffy and he said, "Thank you for being light to her. She didn't know what she was doing." Angel made an assenting noise and Xander opened his eyes. He gasped for air when he saw Angel. "Oh, beautiful."

"Am I all shiny?" asked Angel with a small smile, relieved that Xander could look at him. The boy's eyes were glowing gold and green but Angel didn't comment.

"No, you're just you," said Xander happily as he leaned in for a kiss. Angel was drenched in her blood and Xander could smell Buffy on him but didn't care. He kept kissing, ignoring the voice that was urging him to breathe, Angel tasted of love. "Will this go away when she comes back?"

"I don't know."

"Can we pack right now and find out very soon?" the boy sounded eager.

Angel laughed, "Yes, let me call for Spike."

* * *

The pair was thrilled when Spike said they only had to go to LA. Everything they needed was cleared out of the warehouse in under a half hour. "Are we doing the right thing?" asked Angel as Spike drove. Xander was leaning against his mate, the world outside the car was making him feel ill. 

"For her or the world?" asked Spike.

"Fuck the world," Angel said emphatically.

"She wants to be back," Xander said with certainty. "She may have been born into pain but she loves her unlife. She loves Spike, and the sky, and small animals."

"You have to turn her the minute she's back," said Spike. "She can't cope with a soul."

Angel expected Xander to object but the boy murmured, "Beautiful birds, all in a row, feed with seed, punish with pitchfork." He laughed, "I've done enough. Thank me now, Spike."

"Thank you," said the young vampire obediently.

"Xander," called the older vampire softly, "need you sane for a moment." Xander opened his eyes but was careful to only look at Angel. The glow of his eyes lit the interior of the car. "Are we doing the right thing?"

Spike snorted but Xander just nodded and looked sad, "She's not in a good place, Gelus, she needs her Spiky to protect her." He shut his eyes again. Spike said nothing but pushed the accelerator.


	26. 26

Part: (26?)

Writer: Azure K Mello

Summery: Spike casts a spell on Angel to make him lose his soul. Things don't go as planned and instead Angel just opens up about his feelings towards Xander.

This chapter: Will Xander go completely mad?

Feedback: is adored slash

* * *

Over the course of an hour, Xander slowly slid into Angel's lap. Eventually the vampire just lifted his lover and set him down more firmly, "Better?" he asked.

"Spike," said Xander with his eyes still shut, "you need to stop having sex in this car. She doesn't like it."

"Drusilla's never said anything about it."

"Well she doesn't like the car, she wants to punish her. She thinks she's too fast, a horse and trap would do." He hid his face in Angel's neck, just breathing, "Horses die and they taste like badgers."

"Right, you should try to get some sleep, baby." Angel stroked the boy's hair.

"You only called me baby once, when you thought you'd hurt me. I'm not hurt, Angel. Everything hurts."

"It'll get better, we're going to fix this," Angel assured him. A purr came from deep inside him and Xander instantly fell asleep.

"How are you going to fix it?" asked Spike softly, not wanting to wake Xander.

"Maybe Dru will be able to help," said Angel, not really having an answer.

"Yeah, maybe you can shove it back inside her." Spike spoke with terse anger.

"Childe," warned Angel.

"Shouldn't she get a chance to be sane for a while? She'd had to deal with it since before you met her! Doesn't she get a chance, she's supposed to be your princess."

"Spike," said Angel almost seething, "I'm not going to force her to do anything, not even going to coerce her. I'm just going to ask her to help him. I don't think we 'shove it back inside her'. I don't think we can fix this at all, but I think she can help him ease into it, accept it." Xander moaned in his sleep, unsettled by Angel's angry vibes; the vampire stroked his hair and resumed purring. Softly he said, "I'm not Angelus. Xander's my mate but I'm not going to torture my childer for him."

"Sorry," said Spike keeping his eyes on the road.

"I've given you cause to think so poorly of me. But I'm not that cruel anymore. I'm making a concerted effort to not be him, to not make those mistakes again. I don't want to harm either of you. In the past I was unspeakably brutal with her, I can't make amends for what I did to her, but I'm not going to injure her anymore."

"Before, we spoke about the soul. You said that having a soul didn't make you not want to do things, it just made you feel guilty about wanting to do them. So what is it? Do you want to hurt her but feel guilty for it or do you not want to hurt her?"

Unable to answer Angel just said, "I have no desire to break either of you."

"That doesn't answer the question," said Spike still looking at the road in front of them.

"Because I don't know the answer," Angel said honestly, "But if I lost the soul I would not hurt you, if only because Xander would hate me. I think he would be fine with me feeding but if I hurt you two he wouldn't forgive me. He wouldn't like me hurting family, his childer. I don't know if that's enough of an answer."

Spike, finally looked over at Angel and asked, "Why won't he open his eyes?"

"It all scares him."

"But he can look at you?" Spike's tone was incredulous.

"Apparently I don't look any different."

"He hasn't looked at me. Is he afraid?"

"Probably, you're a monster," Angel laughed.

Reaching over Spike pinched the boy's thigh. Eyes instantly open and trained on Spike, Xander said, "Ow."

"What do I look like, pet?"

Xander sounded put out, "Like Spike only darker."

"Darker how?"

"More annoying or viscous, I don't know, just darker. Like water and ink."

"Can you look at me? Does it hurt to look at me?" Spike sounded infinitely patience as the human nodded. "Does it frighten you?" Xander shook his head. "Because when we go into Wolfram and Hart you're going to have to keep your eyes open. They won't take us seriously if we have a human who refuses to open his eyes with us. So can you watch Angel and me? Hell, maybe you're eyes will freak them out, that'll work in our advantage."

"My eyes?" asked Xander. He looked into his reflection in the window and said, "Hyena's back."

"Hyena?" asked Angel.

"Got possessed by a hyena, ate a live pig, killed the principle. My eyes were all green and glowy. Can I shut them now?" He dropped his head back onto Angel's shoulder.

"No, we're here," said Spike as they pulled into a parking lot. "Remember to breathe and it should be fine."

Inside a woman at the front desk looked up as they entered the building. "Can I help you?" she asked politely.

"Would you page Holland Manners and tell him Spike is here?" asked Spike with a smile that could melt a mother's heart.

"He's in a meeting but I'll call him now if it's important." She stated the sentence as a question.

"It's sort of an emergency," Spike sounded bashful as though he was sorry to impose.

The man came down almost immediately, not wanting to make the master vampire angry. He was relieved he had responded so quickly when Spike introduced him to the others by saying, "This is my sire, Angelus (you must have heard of him), and his mate Xander Harris."

He didn't like to meet the human's gaze when he replied, "It's a pleasure. Is there a reason for this honor?"

"Y'know that debt? I want to collect," Spike spoke calmly and enjoyed the look of fear that passed over the lawyer's face. "Drusilla was killed. You can get her back."

"The scroll is in the vaults but there are preparations that need to be made."

"How long will it take?" asked Angel.

"Perhaps as much as two days."

"Fine," said Spike, "we also need some place to stay. Can you arrange that?" he had no intention of paying for any of this visit.

"Yes, of course," said the lawyer, "just let me-"

"Do you have a clean space?" asked Xander as Drusilla's voice urged him to do so. He was holding Angel's hand so tightly the vampire would have lost feeling in his fingers if he'd had a pulse.

Finally understanding the boy's eyes Manners said, "The master suite in the Durick, I'll make the call myself." He was glad to have a reason to hurry away.

"What's a clean space?" asked Angel but Xander only shrugged.

Spike sighed and said, "It's a place filled with 'happy vibes' meant to protect the minds of white hat psychics. Dru likes to desecrate them with orgies of murder. I guess it would be best for you."

"Do you know where that hotel is?" asked Xander anxiously. "He's sure to get the reservation. Can we just leave? This place is screaming."

"Sure," Spike agreed.

* * *

Spike sped to get to the hotel and Angel growled, "Would you slow down?"

"Yer boy's mighty pale, I'm just trying to get him someplace 'clean'."

"Yeah, well it won't matter if we have a crash."

Spike sounded put upon as he said, "Well, we're here now."

The concierge looked at Spike's beaten up leather coat and Xander's ugly green button down and asked, "May I help you?"

"Holland Manners just called in a reservation for us. Donno the name he put it under: Spike, Angelus, Xander Harris?"

"Harris, here it is," said the man steadily becoming warmer to the group. The fact that it was under Xander's name made Spike laugh, he knew the eyes would work to their advantage. "David," he called a man in a bellboy uniform over, "would you please take these gentlemen up to the master suite?"

David led the way, carrying their small amount of luggage. They followed him into the elevator where Xander pressed himself against the wall and was careful to keep his eyes on the floor. "Here we are," he said as they reached the top floor. He slid a key into the control panel which opened the door. He handed the key to Angel and said, "You'll need this to get in. Let me give you the tour." They stepped out and he said, "The two bedrooms are through there, the kitchen is fully stocked with organic food, there's no alcohol, caffeine, or other negative drugs. While all our rooms are nonsmoking we ask that our guests make themselves comfortable. Don't worry about desecrating the space, it gets cleansed between visits."

"Lovely big windows," Spike said sarcastically taking in the domed skylight that made up most of the ceiling.

"Natural light, very positive." David said but, at the look on Spike's face, added, "The glass is necrotempered. This is a safe space. If you need anything just call the front desk."

"Where's the telly?" asked Spike.

"No television, they are sources of negative energy. I _can_ bring one up-"

"No," Angel interrupted, "that won't be necessary, David, thank you." Angel palmed him a tip and hurried the boy out. "The evil lawyers go to the trouble of finding us a clean place and you want to sully it for TV?"

"I was just asking," said Spike sullenly.

Xander looked around the room. All the furniture was eclectic, mismatched, some of it was ancient. It didn't look like the master suite of such a swanky hotel but it felt like one. Every piece had been specifically chosen to create the feeling of well being; Angel and Spike's fight was hurting the balance.

"Why don't you just shut up?" asked Angel. "You're probably hurting the space just by being here."

"Ya big ponce!"

"What did you call me? How many times do I have to tell you: watch your mouth!"

"Stop it." Xander's voice was so soft and tired that both vampires turned to him. He had pushed himself up onto a counter of a bar. A young couple in love had lost their virginity to each other on the bar. They'd later wed, had children, and died of old age in their sleep in each other's arms. "You've been fighting since we got up this evening. Even when I was asleep you two were tearing each other apart. Stop it. Spike, you're the one who wanted Angel to lose his soul so stop berating him for his action's as Angelus. Angel, you wanted your family back so why don't you stop trying to take Spike down a peg. You're not even angry at each other. You're scared. Drusilla's dead and our only hope is a really questionable law firm. And you didn't even get to enjoy killing Buffy because I went crazy and cut you short. I'm sorry. I know you need release. So there's a few options. You can act like vampires and have sex until your both chafed and calm. I promise I won't be upset. I don't mind. I want you both to be okay. Or you can act human and either cry and talk or punch each other until you can't stand." Angel came forward to hug him and Xander asked, "Are you doing this for me or you?"

"You?" Angel hazarded.

"Then can you please stop touching me? You're so tense and it's really freaking me out. Spike," he said, "I can still hear you. Thinking awful things is really no different than saying them." Spike looked away. "I'm not doing this for attention, I'm sorry, I just need you to both shut up. I'm going mad here. My insides are bleeding."

Thinking of the way Xander had said he wasn't doing it for attention, Angel wondered how many times he'd been accused of doing so in the past. He wondered if his lover had been accused of seeking attention when he'd vomited blood after a beating, or cried during a fight. He felt guilty for adding to the boy's pain. Xander looked at him and said, "Yeah, you're right, growing up there sucked. So can we please stop adding strain? Don't feel guilty just. . . would you please do me a favour?" Angel nodded. "Find a vending machine and get me a soda with sugar and caffeine? There aren't any in the 'crunchy granola safe' kitchen." Angel nodded and turned to leave and Xander said, "Spike, why don't you go with him? Neither of you have fed and it's making things fractious. Find something to eat and come back calm. Please? I'm gonna take a nap."


	27. 27

Part: (27?)

Writer: Azure K Mello

Summery: Spike casts a spell on Angel to make him lose his soul. Things don't go as planned and instead Angel just opens up about his feelings towards Xander.

This chapter: Lazy day

Feedback: is adored slash

Xander slept in a big wooden bed. A woman's father had made the frame for her as a wedding present. He had carved it for weeks to make sure it was perfect. She had brought her children to bed with her when they were ill. They would rest between their mom and dad and get slowly better. He rested there feeling the ghost of a touch on his face and knew it was her essence soothing him.

Sighing happily in his sleep he was too comfortable to stir. Dreams washed over him; visions of beaches, mountains, holding Willow's hand while walking through the cemetery in a meaningless show of solidarity against the vampires, slow love, sweet tasting thick liquids, lunch period on sunny days that were spent tanning. He felt the bed dip next to him just as he was falling out of sleep. Opening his eyes he saw a broad back moving away from the bed. "Angel?" he asked feeling blurry.

The broad form turned back and smiled even though it was sporting a black eye, "I didn't mean to wake you. I just," Xander's hand moved and hit something cold and hard. Looking down he saw the can of Coke next to his hand, "wanted to make sure it was within reach when you woke up." He smiled as though the words were foolish.

Xander smiled and said, "Thanks, how long was I out?"

"Couple of hours."

"Did you guys find something to eat?" He couldn't smell any blood on the vampire and realized he must have showered to get rid of Buffy's. Pulling himself to sit upright he opened the soda and drank half the tin.

"Yeah, we broke into a blood bank. Stole some stores for later." Angel smiled, still feeling strange talking about feeding with a human. Xander was the first person he'd ever met who didn't seem the least bit phased by it. "You seem a bit clearer."

"This room is exactly what it looks like, there's nothing here to talk to me. And after the nap. . . until we leave the building I should be alright. Was breaking and entering fun?" asked Xander. He remembered asking Angel not to touch him earlier and, while he didn't regret the request, he wanted Angel to be near him now that the vampire was no longer seething. He patted the bed next to him and Angel instantly moved to sit down.

"Well, there was a security camera so Spike took the opportunity to waltz in front of it. And after watching him lead an invisible partner for a few minutes it got dull. So I hit him around the head and told him to get a move on. He hit me back, we had a knock down fight in front of a camera that couldn't record us, and then we fox-trotted."

"Less stressed?" he asked as he dropped his head to his lover's shoulder. He knew the answer just from touching Angel but he wanted to hear the words.

"Much," he said softly. "So is Spike, he's taking a shower."

"Okay, good, I'm glad you're both feeling a bit better. Once Spike's out can we get some form of dinner?" He looked at his watch and amended, "Pre-dawn meal. Maybe we could order something? I don't want to go out on the streets."

"We picked up Chinese. Spike picked the food out, because I don't know Chinese food. . . or food in general."

"Do you like food? I mean, it's not a vampire thing, Spike would be a fat kid if he had a metabolism. Why don't you eat?"

Angel thought and finally said, "I don't need it. It seems like a waste. I like food, but I don't see a point."

"But you like it?" asked Xander feeling anxious. Angel nodded. "And have you ever eaten Chinese food?" Angel shook his head. "Then try it for me, it's a waste if you don't eat it because I'm sure Spike over ordered and we'll throw stuff out. Please? Enjoy something that's not cuddling, or killing, or having sex. Just because you don't need it doesn't mean you shouldn't have it. Try it you might really like it."

"What is I _really_ enjoy it?"

"Shrimp fried rice is great but it isn't going to steal your soul. . . Once we have Dru back, I'm going to focus on finding a way to make it permanent. I want to be book guy. . . I don't look good in tweed but I'm kinda smart."

"Very smart," corrected Angel and he went to the little kitchen to get the food.

They ate in bed and Angel did enjoy the food, it was sweet and spicy and Xander said, "They'll have to clean for MSG, refined sugar, and caffeine. Forget any evil activity, my happy foods aren't healthy to the room." He laughed slightly and hungrily watched Angel, forgetting his appetite for food in favour of studying his lover. The ancient vampire wasn't very good with chopsticks. Xander felt his voice break as he said, "I love you."

"Well, I love egg rolls," Angel announced jokingly, "so I guess it's a night of discovery."

Xander took a bite of the much lauded shrimp fried rice and nearly chocked. The food mitigated the vibes of the bed. The woman who'd cooked the rice was leaving her husband, he was fucking her sister, she also wanted to leave America. She'd come from Mexico and here she was three years later, still an illegal alien, working in a Chinese place. She wanted to smash her husband's face in and then sneak back over the border, it was time to go home. Feeling ill at the woman's rage he shook slightly. Xander felt the other emotions pouring in and set aside the container in favour of a second Coke, good old, machine produced Coke.

Angel watched the way his boy's eyes shut down, "Xander? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, just. . . eat this for me. It's really good," he said handing Angel the carton.

"Right, so good it made you go sweaty and pale?" asked Angel.

"No, it's really good. But I can feel the woman who made it. She's so bitter, and burnt, and crumbly." He gave Angel a shaky smile and said, "I'm going to make an omelet in that safe kitchen." He leaned forward to kiss Angel and smiled against his mates mouth, "You taste so good, honey," he whispered.

"What do I taste of?" asked Angel feeling confused.

"Egg roll," Xander replied and kissed Angel again, "and. . . worry."

"Well it's a really good egg roll."

"You're not gonna lose your soul to an egg roll. And we'll have Dru back with us so soon. I promise."

"Xander," he said softly.

"I know," the boy agreed with desperation he saw in his lover's eyes, "I know."

Spike came into the room draped in a towel and saw the empty grease-proof paper bag by Angel's thigh and asked, "Angel, did you eat all the egg rolls? Why are you eating food? Why are you eating the good stuff?"

"I made him," said Xander as he stood. As he passed he said, "Want anything from the kitchen?"

"More sodas?" asked Spike.

"Can do." As he walked into the kitchen the phone rang and he reluctantly lifted the receiver to his ear. "Hello?" he didn't want to feel waves come through the phone.

Instead he heard David, the bellhop saying, "Mr. Harris, this is David, I just wanted to be sure you'd settled in nicely."

"Yes, thank you, we're fine." He felt nothing from David and realized that even when he'd been in the man's presence he'd felt nothing coming from him. "What are you?" he asked and then thought perhaps that was rude.

But David answered promptly without hesitation understanding the question without needing it clarified, "I'm an android, sir."

"Like Data?"

"I do not know of a Data," David replied sounding slightly confused. "I am programmed to exude positive energy and assist the people staying in the master suite."

"Huh," Xander was surprised by the complete answer. He had been thinking David was some sort of a demon.

"So there is nothing you need, sir?"

"We don't need anything."

"If at any point you need me, press four and I'll be up like a shot."

"Thanks, David." They hung up and Xander shook his head, things just seemed to get stranger and stranger as time went by.

He made the omelet quickly and brought it back to bed. He handed Spike another soda and asked, "What do you think David is?" They looked at him expectantly and he added, "The guy who brought us up here."

"Didn't smell human," said Angel who was now eating chicken lo mein, "In fact he didn't seem to have a scent."

"He's an android," Xander replied, "sort of weird, right? I didn't think they were real, demons sure but human robots? It's a bit far fetched."

"Oi! You didn't give me time to guess," said Spike irritated, "I was gonna guess an android."

"Really?" asked Angel sounding impressed, "I wouldn't have."

"Maybe I would have," said Spike sounding too defensive.

Xander smiled and ate his omelet. The chickens who'd laid the eggs lived on a nice farm, the onions had been grown in fertilizer rich soil, and the cheese was great. And, as everyone knows, great cheese comes from happy cows. Happy cows come from California. Eating and supporting one's state at once seemed like a good thing in Xander's mind. After having disparaged the kitchen he was glad it was there.


End file.
